Me, Harper and the Blue Sky

As I awoke this morning, I was greeted by a sky that had lowered slightly since the previous morning. The sooty atmosphere threatened to choke my senses before I could get to my espresso. In my inexplicable delirious state, I stumbled and clamored to the newspaper. There it was - a picture of Stephen Harper as a marionette being manipulated by George W. Bush!

The tanks were rolling in, a protective glass bubble sealed my area and little gnomes were giddily and fiendishly hopping down my street waving black flags with skulls and screaming "Beaver alienation is real!" Suddenly, my doorbell rings. A stunning woman with a lizard's tongue is holding a clipboard. She avoids eye contact and curtly blurts out with a deep autocratic voice; "We are rationing peanut butter. Sign." Nervously, I jot down my John Hancock. As I turned to close the door she added, "Oh, and if you are gay, watch out. We do not like happy people."

On a slightly more serious note, this is sadly how I distort my perception to entertain myself. Nonetheless, judging by some commentators and columnists in the media during the election campaign, this is what is supposed to happen if Stephen Harper and the Conservatives dared to get themselves elected to power. Dared they did and the truth is they earned their 124 minority seats. If this sort of stuff spooks you, don't look at a voting map of North America, for you will see that a blue blanket now covers it.

I have no idea how the Conservatives will perform. They have not been in power for over a decade and with a political landscape more fractured then it has ever been, navigating through it with a minority government will test their skill and mettle. Without a majority, it will be hard to judge them. Ah, but Harper apparently has that 'hidden agenda'. If pushed into a corner will he unleash it on an unsuspecting Canadian electorate? "Fools, all of you! Ha, ha, ha!" One has to wonder, nonetheless, why this generation gives the impression of being comfortable with conservatism in whatever form it packages itself in.

Quick word to Quebec separatists: fix the will-o-meter. It's clear you do not own a monopoly on the will of the people. That was not a good result for the Bloc Quebecois, no matter what their Furcalesque spinsters tells us.

Over the last ten years the Liberals ran Canada like a supply store making sure all the credits and debits balanced. No new products were introduced even when customers asked for them, lest they go into debt. What's more, they confused their clients when they brought in products they didn't really need or want. It was safe and uneventful on one side and impractical on the other. To be perfectly honest, I had grown tiresome of the cheesy clich