My life has always been good; at least it has been since I met the beautiful woman who I am proud to call my wife. Work has come easily to me, and I am fortunate enough to get paid well for doing what I love. It had been that way for many years until; recently, I joined the ranks of the unemployed. It was a bitter shock and a realisation that life isn't always as easy as I had started to believe, but as life would have it, instead of being the worst times of my life, it has been one of the best - a real shock to the system - no doubt, but still one of the best. I'd like to share some of these experiences with you, you see, I have 4 children under 5 (no twins here!) and getting a chance to see my family without the obstruction of work has changed my whole outlook on life.
I became unemployed about 4 weeks ago. Earning a decent income had meant my wife could stay at home (which is fortunate as she told me she wouldn't ever be working again when we got married!), but it also meant that, like most people, we lived just slightly above our means. This is great while the income lasts, but once it dries up, you start to realise how much money you need on a monthly basis just to pay the bills! That is when reality hits home and you become more than a little nervous.
Nonetheless, I got a good payout and we calculated that, with our savings, we would be OK for 6-8 weeks. As luck would have it, I was soon offered a job starting in a little over a week's time, so I have been able to do something I have always wanted to do. I have been able to really enjoy my family.
Those first few days were hard for me. Our oldest boy (4.5 years) had just started school and that meant that the next boy (at 2.5 years) had just lost his favourite playmate. It is strange, but on weekends, I had never really understood what a great babysitter an older brother can be. It sure didn't take long to figure it out though!
Little 2.5 and his sister (1.5 years) all of a sudden needed a new playmate. Someone who could tell them what do, teach them how to play and generally entertain them. Hang on...I didn't know it was going to be like this? I think my wife was making the most of the situation of having an extra pair of hands around, and so I was put on nappy duty - 5 dirty nappies just during school time? And the youngest (4 months), just seems to have a knack of getting more 'stuff' out of his nappy and up his back than the laws of physics would seem to allow! This just isn't right??? Is it? Every day? My wife looked at me with amused sympathy. She confirmed that yes it was every day, but she thought it would improve the following week.
So, week one was spent worrying about when the cash would start to flow again AND about trying to remember how to play dominos, or teaching an enthusiastic little girl how to play with Matchbox cars while the 2.5 boy served tea from the little girl's tea set. Was it just me or was the world getting screwed up somewhere along the line?
Oh, and how could I forget to mention, little 2.5 was getting his final teeth (molars), little 1.5 was getting eye teeth, molars and others, and little 4 months was just starting on the 'teeth journey'? You cannot imagine the noise of 3 children, all screaming at the same time from the pain of cutting teeth!!! Give me a busy subway or mall - PLEASE!
Somehow I survived. I looked forward to the end of school when my 'babysitter' returned home and occupied a lot of the other kids time, but that still left getting them changed, fed, showered, books read and games that all 3 kids played with little 4 months watching.
I look back as I write these words and wonder, why was it like that? My wife was there too. Did she do nothing? Then I remember, that's right - she was breastfeeding, doing the washing, the ironing, cleaning, shopping, running kids around and the normal stuff a mum does! But if we were both fully occupied...how does that work? She normally does all this stuff by herself! Doesn't she?
Wow. Talk about a whole new respect for the role of a mother.
Not only has she managed to do this by herself for all these years, but she has raised children that are just wonderful. They are curious, courteous, well behaved and have excellent manners. You might think I am just biased, but we get that kind of feedback a lot.
My wife has truly done an amazing job. I know I help out, but it is nothing compared with what she achieves every day.
By the end of the week, my previous way of life forgotten, I was starting to relax a little. My phone rang very infrequently and I progressed work opportunities when they presented themselves. At the start of the week I felt my phone was not ringing enough, but by the end of the week, I didn't really notice anymore.
OK, although by now almost immune to the stench of a very full nappy, I was really looking forward to the second week when my wife had happily told me that the dirty nappy frequency would drop off. At the time I never really thought through how that would work, I just took her word for it. I constantly forget how silly I can be.
My wonderful wife had decided that, seeing as I was home and able to help out, she would like to take the opportunity to start to toilet train little 2.5. About this time I started to see the potential issue here! We had delayed toilet training him as we had just settled into a new home, had another baby, gone away for Christmas and had his big brother start school. Now seemed like an obvious time to start (to my wife anyway!).
Day 1 was pretty good. He already had a fair idea of when he needed to use the toilet and the day was pretty successful. Only one accident when he fell asleep on the floor before we could get a nappy on him for his nap, but all in all we were pretty pleased. I was doubly pleased as all my concerns appeared to be completely unfounded.
Day 2, I was quite enthusiastic about it as I had only changed 4 dirty nappies the day before, and any reduction in that number was a relief. The only problem was that now little 1.5 decided to start taking off her nappies too as she was a big girl and didn't need them either. Unfortunately, she is a small girl and the toilet, even with a child seat is way to big...but her brother didn't use a potty, so why should she?
What a disaster.
Accidents everywhere. In my office(!), on the lounge suite, in the kitchen, on my lap. Ok, they were only No. 1, but it just isn't pleasant being the one to discover it walking barefoot to the fridge! I swear she would do it on purpose too. She was like a little water jug on legs, but one that never ran out. I think I counted 4 in an hour at one stage. There is nothing you have to contend with like this in the office. My biggest problem had been whether the cleaner had wiped down my desk under my paper work, or only around it! I realise to many of you, this was probably pretty normal, but to me it was completely foreign.
Then, just before tea, came the first 'bombshell' - literally. It was then that the words of my brother-in-law hit home. Once they start eating what we eat, when they go to the toilet it is just as bad as if we just did it on the floor. GROSS!
Day 3 we tried to keep her nappy on her, but by Day 4 we had given up. Those disposable nappies are a great idea, but the only downside is that the kids can work them too. So Day 4 was similar, but on Day 5, she started to use the potty herself and was very proud of making deposits.
You know, there is a sense of achievement when you see the light go on in those little eyes when they know they have done well. She would proudly demonstrate her achievements and received considerable praise for a job well done. Her older brother was also doing very well and was equally ecstatic the first day he announced proudly that there had been 'no accidents'.
My life had been changing, with me too distracted by these strange and unfamiliar events to even notice. I first realised it when, at the end of that second week, I looked at my children and saw, for the first time, that there were 4 perfect and wonderful young people in front of me. Each thirsting for knowledge and excitement, each with their own thoughts and perspectives on things. This was my family. It was an amazing revelation and it hit me hard.
Week 3 and the accidents had decreased. Playtime was easier and satisfying each of their personal needs was coming naturally. When my phone rang, it was now an annoyance, even though I still hadn't secured any work. The kids and I had even started to work into a bit of a routine. I started looking for opportunities to assist my wife around the house as well and she (while re-doing some things I had done wrong) told me she really appreciated it. I was used to Executives and Senior Management congratulating me on an excellent presentation or the successful delivery of a project, but this was different. I realised that, although we had a great relationship, these weeks had brought us closer. I had a greater understanding of what she did and a greater appreciation of the effort required to be a good mum - and she was the best.
As Week 4 draws to a close, I have successfully found work and I start in just over a week. While it took a weight off my shoulders, it also made me feel a pang of regret. I'd be going back to that life again, always busy, always pushed hard, and I found it now has much less appeal to me. While I need to work so we can afford to live, it has really driven me to start to think of ways to make it possible so that I get more time off to spend with my children.
By now, my kids rush up to me and we love to be around each other. I know I will miss them more than anything and I will miss my wife more than ever when I am not at home. I am really glad that I have had this time with them. It has been one of the most precious times of my life and I will always cherish those memories.
As a result of these few weeks, I have had two main revelations:
1. I realised that if I didn