Are you looking for Love by Design? Well you certainly have found the right place. A lot of people go through life completely unconscious and not knowing exactly what they want to have in a relationship until they get into a relationship and find that they don't have what they want.
It's sad but it's a true fact that the in our society people are not trained on how to understand relationships. Relationships are very simple, they are a mutual filling of needs and it is usually not until someone gets into a marriage or a relationship that they find that there are difficulties. Usually we marry because of love and lust or attraction or we find someone who is pretty or handsome or they got a good job or they have ambition or they want to create a life or they want to have a family. You may have met them at a bar or meet them at school and you decide to fall in love and you have some things in common and you want to have kids and you decide to get married.
So many people do that when they are 18 or 20 or in their early 20s up until their 30s now. People are basically uncomfortable and they don't really make a Love by Design. A Love by Design is really ultimately the way to create a relationship by designing the perfect love for you and the perfect relationship for you. Now there are 2 reasons why people break up in relationships. Rob (who is the Director/Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management, co-author of Love by Design and my life partner) and I have been counselling couples for years at the Centre. We find that if you look at all the hundreds of thousands of cases that we see every year it usually boils down to 2 main reasons why people aren't creating the relationships of their dreams and having their Love by Design.
The first reason is they are not really compatible, although they may have some compatibility in some areas. Maybe they like bowling or hiking or going to the same movies, but they may not be compatible in their visions, they may not be compatible in their timing or when they want to have children.
They may not be compatible in their workstyle or lifestyle or where they want to live. One person wants to go out and live in the country, and have a small little market garden in a dairy farm and the other one wants to live near the beach on the coast of California and pursue their Ph.D. In this case they have two different visions, it is actually the visions and the values that are the glue that holds relationships together. In fact, it's not so much looking at each other, it's looking at the same direction together. That is what values and visions do. So you may be totally in love with somebody, and may get a long in some areas, but you may be fundamentally not compatible.
For example, my partner, Rob Bilton, was with this young lady Lucie and she was a very lovely woman. However, Rob wanted children at the time and Lucie had hers and wasn't interested in getting children at that time, so that is an example of incompatibility.
The other reason why relationships have a tendency not to work out that we see at the Centre is because of people who are not that functional and are not able to have the skills that make successful relationships work. They in fact may have picked up bad habits or toxicities from their family of origin and from their early relationships that wreck an otherwise good or compatible relationship.
So ultimately when you are going out there and wanting to create a Love by Design, it is good that you screen for compatibility and functionality. The other thing is that if you are in an existing relationship, you can see what you have and see if fact if your partner is functional. Then you can take action and read some of our books, consulting or counselling to improve on your functionality and if you are not compatible in some areas then you can shift that or you can accept that or compromise. There are always ways of doing that. If you are really fundamentally incompatible, (which is something that we will talk about in some of our teachings on deal breakers), then you may have a life decision to make.)
Melody Chase is a Writer and Counsellor at the Centre for Life Management/ LMC Relationship Centre and is the Co-author of "The Ultimate Love By Design System" at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com Would you like to know whether HE or SHE is THE ONE for you? How could you find out whether the one you are with is your Soul-mate? Sign up for your free E-courses (Value $97) at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com. Also, Grab this amazing Ebook which has changed thousands of lives! FREE instant access for a limited time! Download your copy at http://www.retrievealover.com/message.htm.