Here are some of the memorable things people have said to me since I started my business in 1992. And, yes, all of the quotes are true.

"Paying these royalties is a real hassle."

> Comment: You can't judge a book publisher by the cover.

"I know that you're a much better speaker, and that your content is better, your materials are better, and even your fee is lower, but I decided to use a seminar company from out of state because my boss will approve it without asking any questions."

> Comment: That explains why sometimes you find yourself in a really terrible seminar.

"I save all the invoices in a drawer and every four months or so I go through the stack and approve them."

> Comment: I bet she would go ballistic if her paycheck were ten minutes late.

"Okay, in your case we'll make an exception and pay you on time."

> Comment: Here's another person who fails to understand how business works.

"Instead of hiring a speaker we decided to spend our money on an ice sculpture."

> Comment: I suppose it's more important to watch ice melt than learn something.

"I want you to send me a proposal with complete descriptions of all of your workshops, a resume, your client list for the past five years, a dozen testimonial letters, and a fee schedule. I've got 21 proposals so far and I want to collect 25."

> Comment: If I were this man's boss, I'd fire him for being a public nuisance. (And I did not submit a proposal.)

"If she had wanted to act on your proposal, she would have returned your calls. Duh!"

> Comment: Every vendor is also a customer, and in this case I responded to their rudeness by transferring my phone service to another company. Cost to them: over $1,200 per year.

"What do you charge to speak for 54 minutes?"

> Comment: The same that I charge for 55 minutes. And 53 minutes.

"Now that we have your workbook, we'll use one of our staff to conduct the workshop."

> Comment: Let me know when you start so I can call my attorney.

"You asked too many questions. You're not supposed to figure out that this is illegal."

> Comment: We never ask too many questions. (And I only work with ethical companies.)

Steve Kaye helps leaders hold effective meetings. He is an IAF Certified Professional Facilitator, author, and speaker. His meeting facilitation and leadership workshops create success for everyone. Call 714-528-1300 for details. Visit http://www.stevekaye.com for a free report.