Many of us have negative associations with conflict. We often view it as a red flag indicating that something is wrong with a relationship of ours, or more commonly, with the other person we're in disagreement with. So we look to assign blame to ourselves or someone else to locate "the problem."

Breathe easy; conflict is a good and natural occurrence. It can indicate "growing pains" of a healthy, evolving relationship. Difficult and heated conversations can create greater trust, understanding and intimacy -- once you get to the other side.

Conflict has a way of catapulting relationships to a higher level of cooperation and aliveness, if we let it. Instead of being a warning sign that a relationship is doomed, it can be a catalyst for positive change and discovery.

Below are some concrete ways that conflict can be a vehicle for positive change in all your relationships. And the first step to accessing the vein of gold in difficult conversations is to change your viewpoint -- "We're in conflict -- something good is on the other side!"

Conflict is a Signal for Something Else

Just as turning off the fire alarm doesn't put out the fire, avoiding conflict doesn't change the fact that there's something trying to express itself in your relationship.

Escalating disagreements may point to a need to spend more time together, or it can create much needed space apart and independence. It can help surface important values, or aid in creating alignment around a common goal. We may discover that it's time to step out of the usual roles we've been playing, or change our expectations of how things need to be.

Conflict often indicates that we