Strange as it may sound, there are payoffs when we don't succeed. What you may exclaim?? Before you dismiss this statement read the following explanation on what payoffs you might be gaining from not succeeding.

Ask yourself the following questions.

1. What do I get to avoid?

-Responsibility, love, success, visibility, etc.

2. Who do I get to punish and/or love?

-Parents didn't love me enough.

-I will not be happy to punish mom and/or dad, who wants me to be happy.

-Childhood was really awful--nobody cares anyway no matter what I do.

-I won't let my parents say, "I guess we didn't do so badly after all." i.e. parents are assuaging their guilt by owning my success.

-I will not do better than my parents because I don't want to upstage them--because I love them.

-I will not do better than my boss because I don't want to upstage him/her.

-I will not do better than my husband because I am afraid I will loose his love.

3. Righteous emotion or real feeling?

-Guilt, anger etc. I will not express the emotion honestly and let it go.

-I will complain to everyone, but the person who is involved who can do something.

4. What guarantee am I holding out for?

-Promise me that it will work, without my need to work or change, before I will make a commitment to succeed.

-Promise me I will be 'front page news' if I succeed.

5. Am I manipulating with Self-pity?

-Am I playing victim so everyone will feel sorry for me.

-Am I being a martyr, so I can suffer in silence.

6. Am I feeling Better-than or Less-than?

-You don't realize how great/or less than I am.

7. What am I afraid of loosing if I succeed?

8. Am I avoiding to strive for my success because I fear failure.

-I will be embarrassed if I fail, therefore, I won't strive for my deepest desires.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not be be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson (Sometimes attributed to Nelson Madela as he quoted Marianne Williamson in one of his speeches.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, internatinal speaker and inspirational leader empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net