9:35 AM: "Market Rallies On Open on Strong Belwether CSCO Earnings"

11:00AM: "Stocks Lower After Investors Realize CSCO Hasn't Been A Bellwether in 3 Years"

12:15 PM: "Stocks Fall Even Lower As Dingbat Flies Private Plane Near White House"

12:35 PM: "Stocks Stabilize As Market Realizes This is Just One of the 496 False Rumors that is Exclusively Reported on Financial Presses - See "Suspicious Package" Headlines From the Last 9 Months.

12:45 PM: "Bin Laden Captured AGAIN