Granny's Almost Garden

I almost had a garden this year. Then the earwigs took over my lettuce. The grasshoppers confiscated all my zucchini and various other flying insects shared the sunflowers. The gophers leveled one row in an afternoon. They enjoyed a healthy salad. I did get one meal of peas and one helping of green beans. The produce that I ate cost me about six dollars a pound but the relaxation of working in my garden with grasshoppers slamming into my head is priceless.

The grandchild got a puppy last week. A cute, little untrained puppy. Now I have to be careful where I step walking through the house. It was bad enough when I had to get a pooper scooper for my lawn. But for the living room? Training Fido has become a family project. Cleaning up Fido's accidents seems to be my field of expertise. Conveniently no one notices or seems to be around at these critical times. Last year I inherited the job of cleaning the parakeet cage. Next I fed the bird and changed his water. He won't even sit on my finger. Ungrateful bird! I suspect Fido is leaning toward this sort of behavior. He barks at me every time I come home but if I'm in the kitchen cooking, his attitude is completely different. What's wrong with goldfish? They make such nice pets. They stay put; swim around in circles and have short life spans. By the time the newness wears off, they die.

Personally I've always wanted a miniature horse. They will mow and fertilize the yard and are a nice size. They don't need a big barn and they are cute. If you change your mind, they have resale value. (signed practical Granny)

Granny Marge has just published her second humor book, Granny's Journal. She is a library director in a small town in the Northwest and turned 62 this year. She forgets a lot so if she repeats herself, please forgive her.