The teenage years are a test, for parents and for teachers, but most of all, for the teens themselves. Teens are constantly being tested on life decisions, and they need a lot of guidance at a time of life when they least want to hear it. But much of the time teens are amazingly wise about the issues we worry they will not be able to handle. The trick is to guide them, while allowing them to hold on to that independence they so value.

You can guide your teens by coaching them to arrive at the smart and sensible answers they already know, and just have to discover within themselves.

Here are nine questions you can pose to your kids to develop the process of thinking through their life issues. These questions work in just about any situation, such as peer pressure, school achievement, and dilemmas that come with hard to make choices.

Pick one or two. Don't overload. Sometimes one key question opens the gateway for your teen to reach that "Aha!" moment and do the right thing for his or her life.

Questions for your teen to reflect on:

1. Can you give your full commitment to this plan?

2. Where would you like this decision to take you?

3. What will you do when there are temptations to do something different from what you have planned?

4. What will it feel like to meet this goal?

5. How can you keep remembering that there is a better way to think about some things? [...when you feel yourself slipping.]

6. What will happen when / if you don