Is a new baby going to make the family a quartet? Here are some pointers to make this transition as smooth as possible.

Be sure to introduce your child to the new baby before birth. Share ultrasound pictures. Get her to know the baby by patting the baby, talking to the baby and feeling the baby kick. Make a game of talking about and planning for the new sibling. When a young child doesn't see the baby, it will not threaten her territory, even though a toddler may sense that Mommy and Daddy are preoccupied with the new bulge.

Revisit your child as a baby. Share her baby album with her. Show her what she looked like when she was born, when she was nursing, coming home from the hospital, having her diapers changed, etc. If she is familiar with newborn tasks, she will be more prepared for things to come.

Prepare her verbally for baby's entrance. "Mama is going to hold the new baby all the time. New babies sit in Mama's arms all day. Babies sleep and nurse all day long. New born, tiny babies need their mommies and daddies to help them".

Make sure the child participates in the new baby festivities. She can help to plan a baby birthday party. She will enjoy helping to pick out the cake and decorations. She can help pick out special presents for the new sibling.

Make sure that your child gets a present too. It is common for family and friends to bring along a gift for the older child when visiting the new baby. In the absence of this, keep some presents hidden for your youngster when presents are lavished on the new baby. It is also a good idea to let her unwrap the baby gifts and test the new toys, such as rattles.

It has been shown that sharing Mama with the new baby is what bothers children most. Sharing is almost always a foreign concept for children under three and her Mama is her most prized "possession". Most children will not be willing to accept the concept of sharing time with the new baby. What you can do is share with your child the time spent caring for your newborn. Baby slings give you two free hands to play and physically interact with your child. Read a book while you feed baby.

Make the older child feel important. All children want to help. Give her a family job. Tell her you need her help. Be sure to praise her when she helps. She may even learn some mothering skills along the way.

Encourage your child to talk about her feelings. These may be negative or positive. Drawing pictures may help her open up. Often children feel safer drawing what they feel. Always say that her feelings are normal. Most likely your child will open up more. All human beings want to be accepted and understood.

Revisit special times often, especially with Dad. These can be outings to the playground, to the ice cream parlor, or even to the corner market. These one-on-one times are only for the older child. It helps that she gains attention from Dad when she has lost attention from Mom.

Following these general guidelines should help to make the transition to a larger family easier and more enjoyable, especially in the first few months. A new baby in the family is a joy and as parents, we must remember that the trying times will all be distant memories.

Michael Russell Your Independent Baby and Toddler guide.