Sign of Affair: I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love
If there is one front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: "
I fell out of love."
This usually means: I no longer feel sexually attracted to you
(I'm sexually attracted to someone else, for now, at least.) Or,
I need to spice my life with giddy emotional highs and intrigue
every so often.
Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and
Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there
may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and
research, I've identified 7.
And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of
infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those
specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much
One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is called, "I Fell
out of Love...and just love being in love."
Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of
1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride, much like a
thrill ride at an amusement park. There will likely be many ups
and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go
through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give
his all to this new-found "love" and at other times might find
his way back to you.
2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored and feeling
rather awful that you can't provide the "love" this other person
seems to provide. You might find yourself questioning your
capacity to "love" and your desirability. His affections will
obviously be centered on that other person.
3. He may want to tell you about this other person. Not only
might he want you to know about the other person he may desire
to share with you some of the details of this relationship. He
might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle that
juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas,
complete with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden
or unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy -
Romeo and Juliet.)
4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love letters (e-mail),
special names, special promises, secrets only for the two of
them, etc. Some of these affair relationships are the result of
unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was responsible
for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally
imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing
with the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number
of times, which is so important and vital for adolescent
5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not
in love with you." He may truly "like you" and depend on your
stability, goodness and understanding. The thought of losing
that may keep him connected with you. His fear of losing that
which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to
follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point
to the internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable
feelings and thoughts. This is part of the roller coaster ride.
6. He may feel very badly about his "inability" to love you and
his "inability" not to love the other person. He may express
great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for
"hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His
feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his
superficial understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern"
for you may be a manipulative attempt to find an easier exit
from the marriage.
7. Expect his feelings for the other person to fade. They will
fade quickly if this is a pure "I've fallen out of love (and
just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of adolescent
love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however,
other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the
inability to say no, you have a more complicated situation that
takes longer to resolve.