University educated guy, 40, down to earth, in good
shape seeks mature genuine and athletic soul mate.
I'm thirty something, presentable, an easy- going personality.
Looking for men around my age. Serious about life and caring
about other people.
Still looking for a partner? Would the personals work for you?
What about all the horror tales you have heard? Should you still
give it a shot? To help you make up your mind lets put personals
under a microscope.
Each one of you would have heard a horror tale related to a
personals ad. I sure have. Jacob, a 30- something guy advertised
in a personals magazine and thought he had found his partner.
After numerous phone calls and emails, Jacob and his heart-throb
decided to meet up. At this meeting Jacob discovered that the
'well built attractive thirty something lawyer' was in fact, a
fifty something heavy guy (At least 40 pounds heavier than he
had claimed )! Jacob was so put off by the dishonesty that he
swore off personals.
Marion and Vinny came face to face with a different problem.
They met through personals and exchanged emails. Excited with
their online interaction, they decided to meet up to take things
forward, only to find that face-to-face, their sizzle factor was
zillllllllch! They just had no chemistry!
These two examples point towards the biggest drawbacks of
personal ads. The anonymity of personals can be misused to
construct fibs and lies, because you don't meet the real person
until much later. As an extension, lack of direct interaction
means physical attraction and chemistry, crucial to the
development and sustenance of any relationship, are often
ignored till very late into the interaction.
However, there are those who swear by the personals. Richard met
Lee through the personals and they have been together for three
years now. Richard who admits to a fair share of disasters with
personals, says, " The key to avoiding pain and problems is to
meet fairly early in the interaction. Once things reach a stage
of positive interest an attempt to set up a meeting should be
made. If repeated attempts to set up meetings are rebuffed, take
that as a red flag and back off."
Max, runs a personal ads service for gays, taking personals ads
and making sure they get coverage online and in print, with at
least two to three repeat views says, " The terrible reputation
suffered by personals is not in the least justified. People come
to us and say 'I'm sick of looking for a partner, put up a
personal ad about me and help me find my soul mate'. Contrary to
expectation, most of these people are well educated, high
caliber, self confident guys."
Guys who put up personal ads are serious about meeting other
men. Contrary to popular belief about con men ruling the roost,
men who actually put up personal ads are often people who are
sick of being picked up in bars and discos. These guys are also
in a more receptive mode than they would be in other socials
situations where instant face to face interaction is required,
making personals a good way to meet up with other single guys.
Max also points out that there are more single men out there
than you can physically meet. You cannot possibly go to every
club, bar or party searching for a mate. Personals give you a
wider set of people to interact with.
The key to finding success through personals is to be honest.
Study the ads carefully and chose the ones that meet your
requirements. If you are looking for fun alone, don't reply to
an ad from a guy looking for a long term commitment, however
interesting the person may seem. Only if you keep your integrity
can you expect others to keep theirs.
Meet up with people of interest fairly early into the
relationship to avoid later disappointment. But, and I can't
repeat myself enough on this, meet in public places. For some
reason, safety as a factor is often undermined when talking
about men meeting men, but that does not mean it's not an issue.
Once the first meeting is over you can take your time about it
or hurry up, depending on your interaction with the person in
If you are the one putting out an ad, make sure it appears
several times in different print or online sources. One ad is
not enough. The more eye balls that notice it, the higher are
the chances of the right guy being one of those. Finally, don't
let one disappointment or failure bring you down. Like any other
mode of search, a few misses will lead to hit. Just hang in
there for a while!