Don't Ignore The Signs: How Emotional Infidelity Can Ruin Your
Emotional infidelity can start with a simple hi or a wink. It
begins in a boardroom or a chatroom. One spouse says, "What's
the problem? We're only friends."
The other spouse can't believe the reassurances. So the jealousy
builds and a wedge is driven between partners. Sometimes nothing
really is going on, and sometimes an affair is in progress. It's
only a matter of time.
So how can you tell if your spouse is a potential cheater? How
can you stop a relationship from becoming romantic outside of
your marriage? Here are five topics to think about before
determining if your marriage is in the danger zone.
1. Secrecy: Do you feel as though your partner could be telling
you more about his or her new friend? Or do you hide the details
of your platonic relationship from your spouse? If so, why? It's
best not to keep secrets from your partner, even if you think he
or she will be hurt, angry or jealous. If you want a successful
relationship, trust and honesty is the one factor for marriage
that should not be compromised.
2. Displaced Trust: Is information that should only be shared
between husband and a wife, shared outside of the relationship?
Topics like sexual intimacy, irreconcilable differences,
personal finances, and detailed accounts of your partner's
shortcomings are best left within the constructs of your
3. Comparing: Does your spouse compare you to friend(s) of the
opposite sex often? Or do YOU feel as though your spouse could
improve in the areas that your special friend excels? Comparing
once or twice may not be a problem, but habitual comparison is a
4. Time Management: What type of time do you spend together as a
married couple? Is it mainly dutiful, like paying bills or going
to conferences for the kids? Or do you actually date--
one-on-one, no kids, family or friends around? If not, and you
find yourself, or your partner, engaged in date like activities
outside of your relationship, stop it. Either invite your spouse
or don't do it anymore. Coffee talk can turn to pillow talk in
the blink of an eye.
5. Attraction: Do you feel as though your spouse like the way
his/her special friend looks? Are you attracted to the way your
friend looks or the way he/she does something? If so, address
this issue with your partner and then try to refocus your
attention on each other, rather than the outside party.
If three to five of these topics need to be addressed in your
marriage, don't wait until it's too late. I urge you to get
professional help either from your religious leader or from a