Love Could Be An Errand Away
You have signed up on several large dating sites and posted a
great profile. So far, you've had some nice responses, but these
haven't led to a meeting yet. Someone told you about a singles
group at your church and there is an organization in your city
for singles who want to volunteer, and hopefully meet other
like-minded people. You've lost count of all the parties, happy
hours and clubs you've been to, hoping to meet compatible
singles. Whew! It's a lot of effort just to be in the right
place at the right time with the right people.
Or is it?
In towns and cities everywhere there are single people (like
yourself) going about their daily lives. Schedules consist of
long hours at work and/ or school, commuting, appointments,
errands, leisure time pursuits/activities and everything else
that is part of the fabric of one's existence. In the course of
a day, the average person encounters many strangers on the
street, elevator, store, metro, etc. Have you ever really
thought about the possibility that Mr/Ms Right could be the
person behind you in line or across the aisle on the metro? If
not, now is a good time to raise your awareness and broaden your
thinking on the subject of how and where you can meet compatible
singles. Armed with some newly acquired skills, your next chance
encounter could lead to a first date and more. The following are
areas to start building the expertise that will help you to
stand out and get the right kind of attention when an attractive
stranger comes into your sights.
* Always be prepared. You just never know, so you need to make
that extra effort before you rush out of the house. Take a quick
look in the mirror, comb your hair and change those (horrid) old
sweats into a nice pair of jeans. How you feel about yourself
will be projected onto those around you, and really - you do
look like your mother in THOSE pants.
* Raise your general awareness of what and who is around you.
Don't walk with you head down, avoiding any eye contact. Try
smiling at people you pass on the street and offer a nice
greeting or remark to the folks who wait on you when you shop,
do your banking, pick up your clothes at the cleaners, etc. Take
special note of strangers who appear to be single and to have
characteristics you seek and surreptitiously check to see if
that cute guy/girl is looking your way. If so, smile and say
hello if it feels appropriate to do so.
* Watch your body language. Along with holding your head up,
remember to keep those shoulders back and walk with a
comfortable erectness. Have an "open" posture. Don't wrap your
arms around yourself as you stand or huddle in a corner when
waiting/standing in a line. The eyes say it all; so let yours
say "friendly." Communicate to others that you are approachable
and let them see that you are interested- if you are. What you
don't say speaks volumes.
* Learn to be a good flirt. Along with body language and
communicating interest with your eyes, you will probably need to
smile and have a few good lines available. Rule of thumb- only
approach someone who is reciprocating your interest through his
or her non-verbal language. Starting with a question is always a
good move. Make it real, non-threatening and impersonal. For
instance, you are in a sandwich shop grabbing lunch and you are
standing in back of a very cute guy. "Excuse me, have you ever
tried the Italian sub here?" "It looks really good, but I hate
it when they add too much oil." Safe, easy to answer and very
open-ended. This allows the other person to share their
experience with the shop (or lack of) and to add any comments or
ask a question of their own. If they do, respond back with
something that offers them the chance to keep talking.
* Become a great conversationalist. Yes, anyone can master this.
It's about focusing on the other person, deeply listening and
offering interesting, upbeat thoughts and topics. With a
stranger, keep it simple. After the first exchange, ask them
easy questions about themselves. Not too personal or probing.
"So, if you come here a lot to eat, you must live/work nearby."
"I've been here a few times, but don't think I've seen you
before." Or offer something about yourself. "I'm a vegetarian
and this is the best shop for meatless sandwiches that I have
found." You get it - safe, pleasant ways to ask about them,
share about you and keep the conversation going. "On nice days
like this I often eat in the park down the street- want to join
* Use common sense and take precautions with any strangers. He's
very cute, but so was Ted Bundy. Never give out your home
number, address or any personal information to someone you have
just met "on the street." Most people completely understand and
agree with this kind of caution and would not be offended if you
explained your need to only give a first name, work phone number
or an email address. If this first meeting leads to an offer to
get together again, accept by all means if it feels right. But
plan to meet in a public place until you have more information
about them. Once you have had a few meetings/dates, you can
exchange home phone numbers and more personal information.
* Close the deal. So, you two have been standing in line and
talking while your sandwiches were being made. You are very
interested and don't want to just say good-bye. What can you do?
You can reiterate that you eat here a few times a week and tell
them that you hope to see them on Wednesday at around noon. You
can pick up on something they might have shared such as their
participation on their workplace sponsored softball team. " My
team will be playing on the mall on Sunday at 4, when do you
guys play?" Perhaps we will play opposite each other and can
talk after the game." Of course, there's always the suggestion
of eating your sandwiches together at that park down the
Joining singles clubs and groups, posting personal ads and/or
doing volunteer work are all great ways to try to connect with
compatible, available singles. However, they are not the only
way. Many great loves started from chance meetings in the
couple's everyday world. So, get out there, really mingle and
open your mind to the possibility that when you go around the
next corner you will come fact to face with Mr/Ms Right.