Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers
Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-Offs and Keepers
Dear Relationship Coach-
"We met online and seemed to hit it off right from the start.
After he answered my ad, we went on our first date, and it was
fabulous. I believe we both felt a strong chemistry and learned
a lot about each other. At the end of the evening we agreed to
get together again. He called me the next day and we talked for
three hours. On our second date, we spent the whole day
together. After three dates (and many emails, phone calls) - we
were talking on a Thursday night. We had previously discussed
plans for Saturday. However, he did not mention it before we
hung up. I wasn't sure of how to handle the situation, so I
waited until a day later and left a voice message for him,
saying hi. After four days with no word, I left him an
invitation to dinner at my place. I never heard back. What
happened? What am I supposed to think?" (Confused Female)
Many single women write to me expressing confusion, uncertainty
and frustration regarding the whole dating scene. Their stories
are often (like the one above), filled with tales of broken
dates, unanswered emails and/or phone calls and guys just
disappearing for no apparent reason. They are looking for
answers about what qualities men look for in choosing women to
date and want to know what single guys really want from their
relationships. Most of all, they want to know how to find and
build mutually satisfying and lasting relationships.
After receiving the above email, I decided to query several
single guys and ask for their thoughts, reactions and
suggestions to this and other questions that women want answers
to. The men I spoke to are all; never married, twenties to
thirties, professional, attractive and financially successful.
All have very full social lives and have been actively meeting
and dating women for years. Only one guy (David, a small town
mayor and a professional lobbyist for a trade association) is in
a relationship. However, he travels quite a bit and spends a lot
of time out socially with mixed groups of singles.
Their feedback for the writer of the above question contained
somewhat differing views, but had a consistent thread running
through it. The bottom line - he liked her and had an interest,
but something changed and he decided he didn't want to continue.
The men offered such comments as "he decided he's just not that
interested in her" and " I wonder if they had sex, because some
guys are into the chase and loose interest after that". One guy
was surprised that this had occurred after they had spent a lot
of time together and there had been a real interest in getting
to know each other. All of the guys felt that he should have
handled the situation differently. David felt the writer should
have brought up the issue of getting together right away- during
the phone call. He believes "this would have cleared up the
ambiguity and let her know upfront where she stood." He also
commented that a woman needs to "focus on what is happening in a
relationship right now". He cautioned, "don't rely on past
dates, go with what is happening now." Their comments gave birth
to more discussion and many related questions that came up for
me as they shared about their dating experiences and their
beliefs. The end result? A brief snapshot of the qualities men
look for in women and their thoughts on dating, timing,
commitment and marriage.
What are turn-ons for you?
* " Personality is very important. Look for easy-going, easy to
be with, low maintenance". * " Confident, fun, strong - yet
kind- women" * " Takes care of herself- mentally and physically"