When Men Are "Emotional Camels"
Many women find it hard to understand how the men in their lives
can be satisfied with life as it is. Don't they need more
passion? Don't they need more fun? Don't they need to have more
of a connection with their family, their wife, or their
Regardless of the area of concern, the truth is that many men
are what I call "emotional camels." Just like a camel can go
forever without water in the heat of the desert, so can many men
go without the intimacy, feelings of fulfillment, or the
excitement life can offer. Men from all walks of life tend to
strive to have a sort of emotional harmony or peace, or what
some may call "an emotional flat-line."
It's not that men don't like feelings, it's that they are
willing to sacrifice the highs and lows for the steady,
even-keeled experience of life. This is a good thing to them.
Most men hate being depressed, or sad, or angry. They want these
feelings to go away as quickly as possible, so they can return
to their "flat line" state.
While some women also have this same tendency, the majority
actually seem to enjoy the wide range of emotions and seem
reluctant to get over anything too soon. This can drive a man
bonkers, especially since he has to deal with her when she's not
happy. He usually wants to help her get out of these "negative"
states so she no longer is a "problem" to him. Her down times
affect him, which threaten to destabilize his current flat line
While men can live without intimacy for quite a while, they
usually can't live without sex of some form, even if it's just
with themselves. But masturbation can be just enough to keep him
satisfied for the most part for quite a while, yet for women,
even those who enjoy sex with themselves regularly, this is not
enough for very long. They need the connection with another
person, the shared intimacy that gives the sex meaning.
Often guys almost prefer the simplicity of masturbation because
its quick, easy, and uncomplicated. They don't need the "heart"
thing as much and as often, just the orgasms. Being an emotional
camel also translates into men not needing much ego stroking
from their partner. That is why men usually give so little of
this medicine to the woman in their life. They figure "If I
don't need it, why should she?" Knowing they "have to" give at
least a little, they do, but only what they think is reasonable.
The same is true for romance. Most men are relatively "unmoved"
by romantic gestures. It's just not that exciting or important
to them. So, they know they should put in more effort to be
romantic because it's something their woman wants, but that's
usually the only reason. (Unless you are in the initial bliss
stages of a relationship - then they'll do just about anything,
naturally.) Otherwise, it's more of an issue of guys giving
slightly more than they need, which isn't much at all for most
So, does this all this mean that men are dead emotionally? Not
at all! As a matter fact, men are much more emotional than most
would believe. But it's different than it is for women. Men get
emotional over different things, like sports and driving. They
do not lack emotion. It's just that they require very little
"emotional fulfillment" in their day to day lives, and can go
for days, weeks, and some even years without a whole lot of the
intimacy, the romance, the connection with others, the high
highs and low lows. These men aren't broken, that's just the way
How does knowing and accepting this help women? First, it
changes what things mean such as his lack of enthusiasm for
things she cares about, i.e. romance, intimate sex, time with
her, etc. etc. It's not that he's bored with her, it's that he
is boring. His flatline state is intact and yet she feels
something is missing. Something is, but only for her really. Her
challenge is to learn how to be happy without expecting him to
act, think, and feel like she wants him to. She may learn how to
get him to make some adjustments, but his whole personality will
not change overnight. Her continued efforts, realistic
expectations, and patience will make it more possible to get him
out of his trance once in a while to join her the land of the