Four Secrets of Learning Masterful Conversation

We all learn conversation through active oral practice beginning in early childhood. During those years we are learning through an apprenticeship of observation with our ears and eyes and our practice through mimicry of the speakers around us. Virtually no one fails to learn to speak their native language and develop a basic vocabulary and manner of speaking unless they are impaired in hearing.

However, although we learn to speak a language and interact, we may not learn to converse effectively. For example, if we do our learning apprenticeship in a hostile or competitive environment, most likely we will understand conversation as a competition and behave accordingly.

CONVERSATION IS COLLABORATIVE

Therefore, our first secret of learning masterful conversation is to see it as a collaborative activity rather than a competition of winning and losing or one-upmanship. When we have installed this mental frame of collaboration around conversation, our attitudes and behaviors during conversation can and do change.

Conversation is like a dance, taking turns, following and leading.

SPEND TIME WITH SKILLED CONVERSERS

A second secret for mastering conversation is this: To become better, you must spend time around masterful conversers. Just as to become more skilled at tennis you need to play against better players, the same is true of conversational practice.

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