Going Solo On Valentine's Day: Advice For Singles
The stores are decorated in candy hearts, flowers and bears.
Every TV or radio commercial reminds you that it's time to
remember your sweetheart on this special day for lovers. Your
feelings range from sadness, to revulsion to anger. What's a
single person to do? The following suggestions are designed to
both answer that question and to help you have a good day after
all, while working to make it your last solo one.
1. Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is meaningful
and enjoyable to you. Choose something that provides you with a
special treat. Go to a day spa for "the works", plan an intimate
dinner for 3 or 4, go ice-skating or to the movies with a fun
friend, or go out to dinner and a movie with a group of other
singles. Focus on what you enjoy and make a conscious decision
about how to mark the day. Un-Valentines Day parties are very
popular and can be a lot of silly fun. You can attend one or
throw one of your own.
2. Design a relationship-building plan for 2003. Let the holiday
provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas and
gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a
lasting, intimate relationship.
* Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get
your plan written down. * Begin by making a list of resources
that can be used to help you meet available singles. These can
include: on-line dating sites, singles groups, volunteer
activities, or participation in sports or other activities that
you enjoy. * Decide when and how often you will participate in
any activity you have chosen. *Make a budget for both time and
available funds for this purpose. * Do your homework and
research each resource so the information will be available when
you need it.
3. Review those resolutions you made, or make some if you
haven't yet. Think about what is really important to you. Remind
yourself that implementing and sticking to these will help
ensure that you are really ready for that special relationship.
Being the kind of person you want to be with is the first step.
Begin with concrete goals. For example: stick with a healthy
diet, exercise three times a week, plan one organizational task
per week, etc. Taking care of yourself and living well, will
optimize your chances for relationship success. Start today.
4. Work to eliminate negative thinking. When a negative thought
comes into your mind, take a moment to think about what is
beneath it. Then, tell yourself that thinking this way is not
good for you. Make a decision to drop the thought and try to
think of something (anything) that is positive. It can be as
simple as focusing on what a beautiful day it is outside, to
feeling grateful that you survived the current wave of lay-offs
in your company. Use this technique for situations as well. Ask
yourself how you can view the situation differently. Try to find
one positive angle or outcome that could result from an
otherwise bad situation. For example, you are being laid off
from your job. You have been unhappy for a long time, but could
not motivate yourself to do anything about it. Now, you have the
motivation to look for a new job, or perhaps change careers.
Think of all the possibilities that could open up for you.
Negative thinking is a downward spiral that leads to negative
behavior and possibly depression. Consciously choose to
challenge these thoughts, and empower yourself with a more
positive outlook and approach to life.
Hopefully these tips will assist you in having a better "solo"
Valentine's Day than you might have been headed for. Enjoy the
day by doing something fun. Then focus on your relationship plan
and empower yourself to build the healthy, lasting relationship
of your dreams.
Toni Coleman, LCSW Helping Singles Find Lasting Love