Communication Expert reveals 5 keys to self expression without
Peter Murphy recently interviewed communication expert John
Barker. John is a professional coach and author with a Bachelor
of Arts degree in Communication Arts and Sciences. He even
served in the White House where he worked with the White House
They discussed communication and uncovered some valuable
insights that people can immediately apply to make measurable
improvements in their lives.
1 Nowadays more and more people are learning how to let go of
limiting feelings to improve the quality of their lives. When it
comes to communicating effectively with other people what are
the main barriers to effective and purposeful communication, and
how can we let go of these limitations?
The barriers vary from person to person, however, the most
common one I encounter in working with people is the desire to
change others to fit our expectations. There are many paths to
the same destination; if we release our desires we open up an
infinite number of possibilities. So long as we agree on the
destination we want - the feeling we want - "the how" doesn't
Any time we feel we want to change someone or something, this is
a time when we can recognize and release our desire for control.
The other part of this, is that very often we are re-living past
conversations. If we have had a conflict with someone in the
past; if we hold onto that feeling we bring it to the new
conversation. We brace our self for dealing with the inevitable
confrontation and we don't really hear what is being said in the
moment. This is why it is so important and valuable to be able
to release things as they come up.
2 Very often in life we know what to say and yet get tongue tied
and fail to follow through when the pressure is on. What is the
answer to this common challenge?
We become tongue-tied or freeze up due to our attachment to the
outcome. There IS no pressure, only attachment to feelings and
outcomes. By releasing on our attachment to the outcome and
welcoming the experience as it occurs, we free ourselves to
experience the moment effortlessly. This experience allows us to
perform at our best.
And, if a person does feel anxiety, stress or self-consciousness
in a situation like this, trying to make the feeling go away
only makes it stronger. I often use the analogy of a big brother
picking on a younger sibling. Why does he do this? To get a
reaction. The bigger and better the reaction, the more we
encourage it. But if we welcome what is going on, he gives up.
It is not as much fun as getting the reaction! And, he goes away.
The same is true of the feelings we want to go away. If we
welcome them and allow them to be, it is amazing how quickly
that feeling will dissolve and be replaced with a feeling of
peace and calm. And, sometimes we can even smile or laugh at
ourselves about it because it is such a relief to just allow
ourselves to be how we are.
3 Dealing with difficult people can really stretch our patience
and verbal flexibility. What are your top tips for handling
Release! Release! Release!
It is important to remain aware of, and release, our desire for
security, approval and control as these feelings arise in our
consciousness. It can also be important to recognize the other
person's need for security, approval and control as well.
Understanding allows compassion.
I know I've wasted a lot of energy in my life trying to change
other people! It's an impossible job, really. And, it is amazing
how often, when we stop resisting how people are, they just
magically seem to make those changes we wanted in the first
4 In the mad rush to get ahead very often the most important
people in our lives don