Fixing a Broken Partner-Picker
Do you have a broken partner-picker? Do you keep picking the
wrong partners thinking they are the right ones, only to realize
you once again picked the same kind of partner as in the past?
If so, your partner-picker can be fixed. It just needs a little
work. The following exercise will help you fix your
1. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readily
come to mind:
All men or all women are __________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define men or
women? If so, are you sure all men or all women are as you
described above? Do you personally know any who are not?
The first step to fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize
all kinds of people exist out there in the big wide world of
ours. Most singles with a broken partner-picker actually believe
the only kinds of people who are out there are the kinds they
have been meeting. So a woman who keeps meeting unavailable men
believes all men are unavailable. And a man who keeps meeting
women who are after his money believes all women are gold
In a way this actually makes sense; we believe the evidence in
front of us. However, does the woman who keeps meeting
unavailable men keep meeting them because that IS the only kind
of man out there, or because she BELIEVES that is the only kind
of man out there? In my experience, you will attract all kinds
of people, but only notice the kind you believe are out there.
To change this, get to know and build friendships with men and
women who are not as you described above. Work on realizing
there is great diversity in behaviors and attitudes among EACH
2. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readily
come to mind:
All relationships are ______________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define
relationships? If so, is it true that all relationships are as
you described? Do you personally know any that are not?
The second step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize
that all kinds of relationships exist out there in the big wide
world of ours. Most singles actually believe the only kind of
relationship possible is the kind they fear they will end up in.
So singles envision a controlling, manipulative partner who asks
them to compromise their very being. Or they envision an
uncaring, cold partner who would rather be away from them doing
something else. Or they envision some other relationship horror
they would rather not live through.
In reality, many different relationship dynamics are possible
between two people. Simply because you feel controlled or feel
distance in one relationship does not mean the same thing will
happen to you in every relationship with any person.
To change this, get to know and build friendships with couples
who are not as you described above. Work on realizing just how
many different relationships are around you and what kind of a
relationship you want.
3. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readily
come to mind:
I deserve many positive things in a partner, except
_________________, which I don't feel I deserve.
Have you ever been given these kinds of things from others? If
you have, was it because you earned these somehow or did
something to become deserving?
How does one come to deserve love, attention, affection, time?
Many singles secretly believe the only way they will get love is
to somehow buy it - either literally by spending money in a
relationship, or figuratively by over-compromising themselves.
Others believe they simply deserve only what they have been
given in the past, which was often not enough.
The third step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize
that you deserve love, attention, affection, time, etc. You
don't have to do anything to earn it except to be yourself. This
is your inherent right as a human being.
To change your feelings about what you deserve, get to know and
build friendships with people who readily give you THE thing you
feel you do not deserve.
Complete this exercise with a friend and share your results with
each other. Get some feedback from people who care about you on
the ideas you came up with. With this feedback, you will be well
on your way to fixing that pesky partner-picker.
Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"