Ever had an attack of the "have-tos"? "Have-tos" are an
interesting phenomenon. They come in several variations like
haveta, gotta, needto.also sometimes referred to as "hate-tos".
These "havetos" seem to invade our daily life. First, try
listening to others to notice how often they say this. Then
listen to yourself as well. I think you'll be surprised.
The connotation of "haveto" makes me tired just to say it. It
implies that I'm doing something I don't want to do. It implies
that I'm being pressured by external sources, instead of
inspired and motivated internally. It implies that I might push
back. It implies that I will procrastinate. It implies that I
won't be happy while I'm doing it.
But "havetos" are not necessarily the bad things that we make
them out to be. "Havetos" can be your friends, if you are using
them in a way that works FOR you instead of against you.
"Havetos" relate to what you want in your life. I got up from my
computer this morning, and mumbled "I have to go water the
flowers." Now that's not exactly the truth. I do have options:
1. Let them die. 2. Install an automatic watering system. 3. Pay
someone else to do it for me. 4. Delegate the job to someone
else in the household. 5. Don't plant flowers in the first place.
My point is that IF I want flowers, I may "have to" water them,
but that is part of the bigger picture. It's not a do or die
situation. It's my choice.
You might say "I have to go buy groceries", or "I have to take
out the trash", or "I have to brush my teeth". Those may not be
things that are enjoyable to you, but you don't really HAVE to
do any of them. You may alienate members of your family,
coworkers, or friends if you don't do them. But then.that's the
bigger picture, isn't it? The "haveto" is a direct reflection of
what you want.
We all have "havetos" that aren't particularly thrilling in our
life.doing the breakfast dishes, running errands, paying bills,
maybe mowing the lawn, and especially that once a year tax
But what if, instead, we look at the bigger picture, instead of
just the "have to" itself. For example, "I have to do the
breakfast dishes." Yes, I have to, IF I want a clean sink, and
IF I want clean dishes to eat off of again. I consider this my
contribution to a happy household. I consider it a role or
responsibility that I negotiated, and that I accept as part of
obtaining my ultimate goal.having a happy, comfortable family
I also "have-to" market my business.definitely not the most fun
I ever had. But if I want the business, if I want the customers,
if I want to make my living this way, then I "have-to" do the
marketing. But again I have options: 1. I can let go of the
business. 2. I can hire someone to help me. 3. I can delegate
the job to another person in the business.
A friend recently said to me "I can't go to the movies with you,
I have to pay the rent." Does she really "have-to" pay the rent?
No. She too has options: 1. She could move to a cheaper place so
that she has extra money. 2. She could get a better job. 3. She
could mooch off her friends. The point is that she is making
choices about how she spends her money, and about how that money
gives her the most pleasure. It's not that she "can't" go to the
movies.it's that the higher goal (living in the house she wants)
gives her more pleasure than the movies.
"Have-tos" are a part of life. Instead of looking at them as
drudgery, or work, or struggle, remember to consider the bigger