Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all
human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or
unliked. And at the same time what we really want is to be loved
and accepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never
happen though because we all have biases,opinions and beliefs
that color the way we look at the world.
So people will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter
how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If we
were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware they
would still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to win
However we can change how we think about rejection. If we change
the meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of our
enemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to try
a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view rejection as
feedback or else she will slowly go insane!
So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently answering
this question - how must I change my approach to get what I
want? By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you
can do and off the other person whose approval is theirs to give
or not to give.
Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a
project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you do,
your coworker can almost smell this fear of rejection coming
from you. So he says No, he is far to busy to help you today.
Now immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question - how
must I change my approach to get what I want?
Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new
aproaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a soft
drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work in return
It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a chance to
happen. In the case of the example above, before talking to the
colleague I would spend a few minutes in preparation running
through possible ways he might reject me. For each possible
situation, just keep asking yourself - how must I change my
approach to get what I want?
You may not realize, most people just give up too easily because
rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejection to mean
feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead. You will
then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. This
endurance will also encourage others to let you have what you
want because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!
****Warning: maintain rapport at all times when you use this
approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only
appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.****