Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care for them.

Terminal diagnosis changes the very structure of our existence, takes away our control and our ability to hope and plan for the future. When someone we love is given a terminal illness, we become painfully aware of the fragility of life and may even fear for our own mortality.

Living in expectation of death, causes us to experience many of the symptoms and emotions of the grief suffered when a loved one has actually died, including; shock, anger, denial, physical and emotional pain, helplessness and sorrow. Depression is common and changes in eating, sleeping and bowel habits may also occur.

Prognosis increases our turmoil; it is inevitable that we begin counting down the days to the estimated time of demise and see the dawn of each day as bringing us closer to it. Some may feel a sense of surrealness and an inability to fit back into the pattern of life prior to diagnosis, this often intensified by the reaction of friends and acquaintances, who may be dealing with their own shock and dismay at the news and not knowing what to do or say, avoid us.

It may be some time before we can truly accept that our loved one is dying and during this time we may experience alternate periods of acceptance and denial. Often, necessity brings about acceptance for the Carer as they need to make decisions regarding the best options available for the care of their loved ones. The patient however, may choose not to accept the prognosis and it is important for the carer to recognise and support their need to live in hope of a cure. Hope, is paramount to quality of life for their loved one and may even contribute to their longer survival.

Whether our grief is anticipatory or grief due to the death of a loved one, there is a very real need to talk to someone about the roller coaster of emotions we are experiencing. This however is not always easy to do, due to a number of reasons which may include; trying to remain strong for the patient, trying to remain strong for the children, trying to put on a brave face for other family members and friends.

Counseling, though readily available, is resisted by many, who believe that no one could possibly understand what they are feeling, nor do anything about the outcome.

Speaking from my own experience of anticipatory grief due my husband