Parents - Experience A Child's Playful Heart
Playtime between a parent and a child creates a deep emotional
bond. It's the bond that sets the path for joyful, creative,
cooperative times by being together. Adults seem to shun fun and
games in their daily lives. As adults, we often get so caught up
in "grown up" business that we can forget how to have pure fun.
Some parents just don't know how to play with their children or
feel they don't have the time. It's no wonder - most parents
work a full-time job and feel drained with little or no energy
at the end of the day to feel playful. If only parents knew how
much playtime shapes their family life, more parents would
welcome it. They would come to know that it recharges their
adult batteries!
Most parents played as children. Parents experienced being
silly, laughing at nothing, playing games on their own or with
their peers. Why is it that parents today have forgotten how to
play? Why do parents feel like outsiders or simply ignore this
way of communicating with their children? Parents make sure
their children are loved, comforted, safe, fed, and sheltered;
but when it comes to playing, most parents can't seem to get in
the swing of it. Our society in general doesn't take playing
very seriously either. Most play professionals such as day-care
providers, after school program teachers, recreation department
workers and camp counselors are paid very low wages for the
really important work they do for our children's lives. These
workers are treated more as baby-sitters than experts on
children and play.
Playtime is a rewarding time for a fresh, renewed look at life.
It's the time when a zestfulness of living takes place. When a
parent plays with his child, there is a deep heart-to-heart
vibration that can overcome all the day's stresses and
frustrations. Participating in your child's playtime arena,
whether it's on the floor, eye-to-eye, sitting next to each
other or across a table, creates enjoyment and spontaneity,
happiness, and an opportunity to interact as no other activity
can. Years of research has shown that successful parenting is
when there is a sensitive response to their child's needs. This
response includes physical contact, smiling faces, eye contact,
and communication, both verbal and nonverbal.
Some of my clients have said, "My family members need to feel
more connected. We seem to be disconnected and going in
different directions." Playing helps build that connection and
communication so vital to a loving family environment. Parents
can try to remember and reconnect with that part of themselves
that knows how to be in the flow of fun. Asking a child to play
with you and then allowing your child to lead you to what they
want to play and how they want to play, is the first step to
creating a deep connection. Hide-and-seek, tag, chasing,
wrestling, fantasy play, sports, pillow fights, art projects,
racing, etc. are games that all children like. You can start by
knowing that anything can be fun, especially doing it together.
Here are five ways to be a more lighthearted parent:
1. Lead the way - ask your children what type of activity they
would like to do with you. Talk it over and accept an activity
that will bring both of you a feeling of gladness. Think about
what caused you to giggle as a child. Children like rules -
start the game with, "OK, if we play there will be no giggling
or blinking!" Then pretend to fuss when your child breaks these
rules! Let the games begin!
2. Loosen up - playtime is just that: play and time. Don't worry
about messiness, noise, or commotion. Just remember to let the
play flow and follow it along. As long as you hear silly
giggles, howls of joy, see happy smiles, then you know that this
playtime session is a success.
3. Encourage Your Children - Understand that when you play with
your child it encourages strong feelings of excitement,
exuberance, joy, as well as frustrations, anxiousness, jealousy,
and embarrassment. Get a handle on these emotions by knowing
that these emotions should be freely expressed rather than
having them buried and held inside. So take time out during your
playtime to stand back and remind your child that having these
feelings is okay, that being angry or being joyful are emotions
that are acceptable. This creates a deep connection between you.
After all, play is a child's way of expressing themselves and
their emotions.
4. Be Playful with Your Children - Use a voice that is relaxed
and goofy. Step outside of your everyday stern parent style and
start to feel the energy of play. Choose games that allow you to
give your children encouragement, inspire their confidence,
allows for their need of attachment and closeness. Give your
children your complete attention accompanied with love, hugs and
affection. Always promote win-win situations in the games you
play and have a good time!
5. Be Lighthearted - Being lighthearted while playing with your
child actually adds to your life and brings you time. Playtime
is rejuvenating. You may have to push yourself at first, but
very soon thereafter, you will feel, understand and want to play
as the payoff is well worth it.
To help your batteries feel recharged after your exhausting day
at work, take the initiative to spend more together time with
your children, even if it only means hugging them, talking to
them, being with them at the end of the day. Bring up everyone's
spirits by telling them how much they mean to you and what you
most appreciate about each family member. Create a healthy,
energetic connection today that your children will remember for
the rest of their lives.
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