Play Nice: Getting Children To Share
All parents want their children to share and cooperate with
others. Toddlers and preschoolers are just learning how to
socialize and how to share, and as a parent, you need to help
them learn. We often tell our young children to share or to
cooperate, but this is like telling them to multiply or to
divide. They do not know how to share, so it does not do any
good to tell them to do it. You need to show them how to share
and show them why they need to share.
Here are some ways parents can promote sharing and cooperation
and prevent conflicts with sharing.
Show them how to share. Instead of telling them to take turns,
show them how to take turns. If a little boy and little girl are
fighting over a toy, for example, explain that the little boy
will play with it for a short while and then it will be the
girl's turn. Help her find another toy to play with until it's
her turn. After a short while, remind the little boy that it is
the little girl's turn with the toy. Then, if necessary, help
him find something else to play with. Praise him for remembering
to give her a turn, and praise her for waiting patiently.
Alternatively, show them how to play with the same toy together,
such as rolling a ball or pushing a truck back and forth to each
other. Games such as these foster cooperation in children.
Prevent conflicts with sharing. If you are hosting a playdate in
your home, have two or three of the same toy so youngsters do
not have to share. If this proves impossible, have several of
the same type of toy, such as several dolls or several cars.
Alternatively, because toddlers find it difficult to share
materials from a common pile, divide the toys into separate
piles for each child. If you make it clear that one pile belongs
to this child, and another pile belongs to that child, you will
avoid a lot of arguments among the children.
Another way to alleviate problems is by helping your children
put away favorite toys before any playmates arrive. This will
not only prevent conflicts with sharing, but also prevent toys
from accidentally getting broken. Also, if you are visiting
someone else and your child wants to bring a special toy, remind
him that he will have to share it with the other children.
Encourage him to leave it at home or in the car, or suggest that
he choose something else.
In any case, remind your toddler that his toys remain his.
Reassure him that his friends will not take his toys home with
them.
Teach them why they need to share. Adults share because we care
about the other person's feelings and because it makes us feel
good to make others happy. Give your children opportunities to
help other children so they will learn that it feels good to
help others. For example, let them pass out the snacks or show
another child how to build a puzzle.
Help children learn to recognize other people's feelings by
specifically pointing out the consequences of their actions.
Tell them, "Brendon is crying because you took his toy away. How
do you think he feels? How did you feel when someone took your
doll away from you?"
Praise good behavior by being specific too. Don't just say, "How
nice of you." Instead, say something like, "You shared because
you're the kind of person who likes to help others. You're a
good friend to Brendon. Look how happy he is that you shared
your toy."
Read stories about sharing and talk about them. You can use
books about sharing, such as Mine!: A Sesame Street Book about
Sharing by Linda Hayward, I Am Sharing by Mercer Mayer,
Harriet's Halloween Candy by Nancy L. Carlson, and It's Mine by
Leo Lionni. Or you can bring up the topic of sharing as it comes
up in other stories, such as the seven dwarves sharing their
home with Snow White.
Finally, teach by example. Let your children see you sharing,
cooperating and being considerate of others, and they will try
to imitate you.
Despite your best intentions and preventive measures, issues
with sharing will likely crop up anyway. Just try to take it all
in stride.