How To Effectively Shop For The Holidays And Avoid The Holiday
Gimmes
Ah... the magic of the holidays. We've all grown up with the
comfort and mystery of our holiday traditions: oranges in our
stockings, presents under the tree, the lighting of the menorah,
and more! Our Holiday memories are full of mom's home cooking,
dad's stories, and the love and laughter of friends and family.
As adults, we try to recreate those memories for our children -
to impart in them the same sense of mystery and wonder of our
youth. But how do we do that in an increasingly material world?
Shopping for our children nowadays can be quite an uncomfortable
and expensive experience. Pick up any Saturday newspaper in the
months of November and December and you'll find it stuffed with
dozens of flyers promising the best deal on all the must-have
items: an iPod, a RoboRaptor, or the V-Smile educational toys.
Chances are your child's wish list included one or two high-end
gadgets and toys. With a list 30 items long, it's no wonder you
feel stuck - stuck between buying expensive gifts and the
feelings and concerns you have for the messages that you may be
sending to your children by buying them.
You may find yourself wondering how to handle the conflict: "I
want my child to have what they want, and at the same time I
want my child to have boundaries to their expectations."
Let's take a look:
Sean is 9 yrs old and lives with his Mom and Dad and 2 yr old
sister. His family went to see Santa last weekend and as
expected Sean brought along his list for Santa. On his list,
much to his parents' surprise was an iPod, and a laptop
computer! Both of his parents were taken aback and confused by
such high expectations from their son.
On the way to Santa's Village they began a discussion about why
he thought that he wanted these items. Predictably, Sean stated
"All my friends have them and they are really neat!!!" His
parents looked at each other and were very clear that not only
could they not afford both of these items but also they were not
sure why a nine year-old needed such things.
Mom and Dad were also aware that several of Sean's peers have or
will receive these types of items for their holiday gifts.
Later that evening after the children were in bed, Mom and Dad
discussed their concerns and how to proceed: Do we buy those
items for him? Do we say no and have him feel left out of his
social network? Do we buy one and not the other?
All very good questions but what is the correct answer? There is
no truly correct answer. The answer lies within his parents'
belief system and the messages that they want their children to
receive at times such as these.
The bottom-line: If you believe that these types of presents set
unrealistic expectations and do not truly encompass the lessons
of the Holiday Season or the financial goals you have for your
family will not allow these types of purchases, then stick to
your beliefs. Do not give in to the holiday gimmes. For the
messages, both verbal and non-verbal, are loud and clear to your
children by your choices in gifts. Many parents are not sure how
to talk to their child about the reality of these situations and
the reasoning behind their not purchasing what the child has
requested. Parents need to be honest and open about their
motivations and decisions.
This holiday season; keep in mind the following tips:
Self Awareness: Be clear about your motivations to purchase.
Know: Messages that come from your gift-giving.
Communicate: To your child the reasons and messages discovered
above, and allow them to share their feelings.
Resolve: For children their confusion and disappointment that
may arise from your decisions.
Re-direct: Your child as to the origins of the season and allow
them to find ways to give back and re-align their expectations.