Signs of a Cheating Spouse...and how they differ from Signs of
Infidelity
Cheating is different from infidelity?
Yes, I believe so. Signs of a cheating spouse will be different
from signs of infidelity.
In talking to thousands of people embroiled with a cheating
spouse or infidelity over the past two plus decades, I've
noticed a difference. In our society the word cheating carries
different meaning than infidelity.
This is important for someone discerning the signs of a cheating
spouse or the signs of infidelity. A person who "cheats" is
different from someone who is involved in "infidelity."
Cheating is most closely described in my e-book as someone who
"Doesn't Want to Say No." This is only one of 7 kinds of
affairs. The other six kinds of affairs lean more in the
direction of infidelity.
The true cheater is a rather rare bird, but is probably most
glamorized and comes closest to our stereotype of cheating or
infidelity.
Infidelity, in general, is marked by confusion, pain, doubt,
ambivalence and a period of craziness in a person's life.
Cheating is an ongoing lifestyle.
Here are some signs of a cheating spouse: (substitute the word
she for he, if you like.)
1. There most likely will be more than one other person. He sees
affairs as conquests, usually sexual, and not as a place to find
intimacy. Actually he lacks many of the tools and the mind set
to have intimate relationships. He most likely will move from
one conquest to another. His gratification on a basic level
remains primary.
2. He will have little internal conflict about the affair. This
differs markedly from the person who can't say no. Your spouse
will view the affair or affairs as entitlement. He deserves
them. He deserves to be adored. He deserves to have excitement
and personal gratification in his life. He has earned it. There
is nothing wrong with this. Actually others, perhaps you
included, ought to understand this!
3. He will operate in a world that supports his illusion and
behavior. He will surround himself with those who look the other
way or actually encourage his philandering behavior. You will
probably not find yourself welcomed in this world. He and his
colleagues and friends collude to maintain their world.
4. You might run into a problem with the other person or
persons. Remember the movie, Fatal Attraction? The other person
might attach herself to him with specific expectations to be
cared for and perhaps married - perhaps part of his strategy in
his conquest efforts. When she is "dumped" or the expectations
fail to materialize she may pursue revenge. You might be
involved.
5. You may not experience a great deal of conflict with him.
There is no talk of divorce. Your life might be quite copasetic
- unless you rock the boat. He has his playtime and you fill
another specific role of quiet support. Keep the balance and
life moves along fairly seamlessly.
6. There is one problem, however. The problem of aging.
Depending on his social context, you might become a liability as
you increasingly fail to project a young attractive vibrant
image. He wants those around him to reflect back beauty and
perfection. If you fail in this regard you may be cast aside.
Part of this depends on the financial cost of such "trade-in."
7. His fragile, illusionary world and yours may crumble if he
encounters failure. Failure is his "Achilles heel."
Unfortunately, the distortion and illusion he lives under do not
always coincide with reality. He pushes and bends the rules to
his advantage. He may not pay close attention to the
consequences of his behavior. Those consequences - legal,
financial or health - may bite him at some point. He most likely
will count on you to be there for him, to cry on your shoulder
(perhaps literally) and help him regain his confidence.