The Stamp Of Friendship
Visiting one of my favorite scrapbook stores, I came across a
thought-provoking encounter. Upon checkout, I mentioned to the
cashier that I had driven an hour to her store because I really
liked the extensive selection of papers and embellishments. In
turn, she inquired where I lived. Upon hearing the answer, she
quipped that she had a friend in the area who lead an exercise
group. Since I know a few fitness people in the area, I asked
her the person's name to which she began quite a struggle, for
several minutes, to remember the name of her "friend". The first
name came after a couple minutes, but the last name was never
confirmed. It wasn't because this friend had just married or
because it was a last name that was difficult to pronounce. It
was simply that she just could not remember the person's last
name.
Now, I ask you if you see anything wrong with this picture. When
you think of one of your friends, does their name escape you? Or
does their first and last name come with no struggle? Is it
common that people so arbitrarily throw around the title of
"friend" or has the word simply taken on a new meaning such as
that of "acquaintance" or "person I occasionally small talk with
in social situations"?
When we were young our lives were flowing with friends. When an
argument ensued with the best buddy, there were plenty of backup
pals who were more than willing to lend an ear, add an insult in
the direction of your perpetrator and gather reinforcement
troops in plenty of time to catch a matinee and hang out well
into the night. When you finally did forgive your best buddy (or
they forgave you), your back up friends would be slightly
irritated as your presence slowly faded, but come the next
blow-up with bestfriend, their attitudes were still glorious at
your jubilant return. Eventually, a boyfriend appeared, knocking
best buddy to second place and back-up friends became last
resort. Everyone knew their places and was just as happy to see
you when you managed to find the time.
Then marriage entered the picture and the friendship rings were
put to their first test. Marriage was incredibly different from
boyfriend status and certain friends would drop off the roster
never to be heard from again...I know this to be especially true
for the male gender. And the ultimate strain of friendship
succumbed on the 3rd floor of your local hospital...the delivery
room. Whether a friend was not yet ready to have a family with
her spouse or she still enjoyed the freedom of Saturday night
partying, hanging out in the presence of a seemingly fragile and
very small alien was tolerable for a little less than an
hour...good friend or not! Eventually, the casualness of your
affairs would soon dissipate to occasional visits, if you were
"lucky". And even I have to admit that though the sight my best
friend's first baby brought tears of happiness to my eyes,
twenty minutes into our get-together, I was anticipating my
departure. The crying, poopy diaper and plastic toy stuff was a
little too foreign for me and a real kink in the times that used
to be. Of course, I joined her in the circus of motherhood six
years later and here we are today, twenty-eight years after
meeting in high school, maintaining our well-earned label of
"friend".
Along with friends fading along the way, you never quite make
the same kind of friend when you are a family woman. In having
less time for yourself, you are much less forgiving of pettiness
or even differences of opinions everywhere from child-rearing to
local government to the best character of Sesame Street, much
unlike the days when you were single and childless. Vent-it-out
sessions with misbehaving girlfriends are replaced with
responsibilities such as smothering children with kisses,
straightening up the house 10-15 times a day and patronizing
with hubby after a hard day's work. So now you find yourself in
the situation that not only have your old friends dwindled along
the way, the efforts needed to replenish new friends are lower
on your list of priorities.
It is for these reasons that I take the word "friend' very
seriously. When I say that someone is my friend, my definition
is a little more solid. Number one, I will always remember their
name - first, last, middle, children's name and sometimes even
their myriad of pets. Number two, if someone qualifies as my
friend, we have usually had our fair share of ups and downs,
always to find a recovery point and purpose. Number three, they
have proved staying power by keeping personal information that
we share to themselves...because it always comes back! Finally,
though they vent their money troubles, children's quirkiness and
daily woes to me to the point of ad nauseum, I can count on the
same respect and listening skills when my cup floweth over with
sour milk.
Thinking back to the scrapbook store, I am sure that this nice
woman was just making small talk. But in doing so, she reminded
me of the importance of those gals in my life that I still claim
as friends. It is a title that I give to a selected few people,
for it means that person stands out in my hectic life as a
source of laughter, trust and a confirmation that reaching out
to them was not in vain.