Parenting Advice: When Your Kids Fight
Researchers tell us that 36 million acts of sibling rivalry
occur every year. Some are severe. Most are normal. When your
kids fight, they want you in the middle. They want you to be the
judge and jury. They each want you to take their side. I
remember my own mother's reaction. When I was a kid, my brother,
Art, and I fought constantly. We kicked, we teased, we shoved,
we called each other names, and we rolled over and over on the
ground punching each other as hard as we could. My mother said,
"I was sure you two would kill each other."
Many fights started in our backyard. In my excitement to win the
fights, my yelling grew so loud that the whole neighborhood knew
we were slugging it out again. My, mother, a rather shy person,
would throw up a back room window and yell, "For God's sake
Jeanie, shut up!" The whole neighborhood heard her too. Her
shouts embarrassed me and hurt my feelings but they didn't stop
me. My brother and I fought like that almost every day. And
almost everyday mom would shout the same command.
Looking back, I can't remember what Art and I fought about. I
can remember my mother's words. How about you?
When your kids fight, and you step in the middle,
what
will your kids remember?
Your yelling?
Your swearing?
Your hitting?
Your
lecturing?
Your letting them duke it out?
Knowing what to do in the heat of the moment isn't easy. What is
easy, is letting your own anger explode. If you do, what are you
really teaching your kids?
Parenting Tips and Advice:
Talk the situation over with your partner or someone you
trust.
Come up with a logical plan for handling future
fights.
Tell your kids (when they're not fighting) what will
happen the next time they fight.
Determine to respond with
your reason and not your emotion.
Follow through with the
plan.
If you react to your kid's fighting the way my mother did, you
can change.
Ask yourself these three questions:
What will my kids remember about my reactions?
What am I
really teaching them?
What do I want to teach them?
Here's to your parenting success!