The Truth About Giving Advice
All of us want to help, protect, and shield our children from
life's daily disappointments. How can we give constructive
advice, to a child, without being remembered as one of their
worst critics? Any negative comment we make has a "ripple
effect" and can turn into long-term hostility.
Unfortunately, some adults will criticize a child far too often
and any "good intentions," are turned into a variety of bad
feelings, within the child's mind. So, giving advice is a very
precise skill.
If your child is sensitive, and most people are, the criticism
of today will shape his or her perception of situations for
life. Parents and teachers have to use negative reinforcement
rarely and carefully.
After all, we cannot reward children for bad behavior. This is a
form of "inconsistent reinforcement." This can "backfire", and
you can eventually have a situation where any reaction you have
doesn't matter.
So where do you start? Firstly, realize that any time you spend
with your child is valuable. The younger a child is, the more
your words will have an effect. So, you can salvage a
relationship at any age, but it is better to start now.
If you must give advice, there is a technique called
"sandwiching," which will keep your relationship intact. If you
see where you could be of help, but want to retain a
relationship of trust, you should try this method.
Here is an example of how you could use sandwiching to give a
suggestion, without having your intentions misinterpreted. Let's
say your daughter finishes her book report; you have time to
read it, and it has more than a few typos. You know she could
get a better grade with a little improvement. So what do you do?
Compliment her about the fact that she finished her project on
time. Then, gently point her toward a word processing program
and the many functions that will make written work look much
better. Finally, praise her for the content of her report.
Notice that the formula: "Praise-advise-praise," will work every
time.
Children love recognition from adults, and with this simple
formula, you can gently guide most children toward success. Due
to overzealous criticism, some parents and teachers, who are
insensitive, and too frank, often experience rebellion from
children. Therefore, giving advice is a diplomatic skill that
needs constant improvement. If you take the time to do this,
your success rate will be extraordinary.