The Barney Cure: A cooperation technique for preschoolers
Every parent has dealt with a preschooler who won't cooperate.
They're crying, screaming, kicking, waving their arms, or
dropping to the ground and refusing to walk. Parents and
preschoolers have two different agendas. Your preschooler wants
to play, watch TV, color with crayons, or whatever. As a parent,
you have to be somewhere in 15 minutes, or you're running late.
If you're not going somewhere, it might be the child's naptime
or bedtime... whatever the reason, you need to come up with a
game plan--and fast-- to get the child to cooperate. You must
gain control of this situation, before stress and anxiety gets a
hold of you.
Every mother and father has been there, done that. Our life is
anything but a Barney episode. We all know that purple dinosaur
on TV is nothing but a fairy tale. On TV, Barney is surrounded
by happy little children who smile, laugh and do things on cue.
When given instructions, they listen carefully and obey, the
first time they're told. In reality, our children do the
opposite. Not all the time, but yes, some of the time, children
act like wild animals.
We could respond with anger. We could threaten, raise our voice,
tell the child to shape up, or even spank the child. In my
experience, these methods are counterproductive.
We could respond with well-crafted arguments and logical
reasons. A simple explanation, (such as "the library closes in
45 minutes, so we better hurry") means nothing to your
preschooler. They have no concept of time or space. What seems
logical to us often makes no sense to them. Reasoning with your
preschooler simply does not work.
There's a different way to get their attention. It's utterly
amusing to them. It causes them to completely forget their
focus. In fact, it brings them to your focus. Use this technique
and they will cooperate with you. It makes them giggle. It
changes their state from angry to happy, sadness to happiness,
or tears to laughter.
What technique am I talking about? Distraction. You can get a
preschooler's attention with distraction. It sounds crazy, but
it works every time.
You can distract a child by singing a song, making a silly face,
pretending to be a cartoon character, or dancing with them. Be
spontaneous, creative and corny (if you must.) Let me share some
examples. A friend of mine has a three-year-old boy who refuses
to eat his dinner. She pretends the spoon is an airplane zooming
into his mouth. Another friend struggles to get her 2-year-old
into bed. To remedy the situation, she invented a "towel toss"
game. All of a sudden, the youngster wants to go to bed, as this
means being swung back and forth in a towel, and plopping into
bed.
I'll never forget the time my three-year-old pitched a fit about
going home from vacation. He loved the hotel and suggested that
we live there forever. He loved the breakfast that the chefs
made. He loved having his bed made with a chocolate on the
pillow. He loved the fresh towels in the bathroom. Of course, we
eventually had to go home. On the drive back, my son fell asleep
in the car. When he awoke, we were parked in the garage. We were
home. That's when the trouble started. My son started screaming
and shaking his fists. He demanded that we return to the hotel.
I tried to reason with him. I told him to calm down and get a
grip on himself. "We couldn't stay at the hotel forever," I
explained. "Our vacation was fun, but we had to come home." In
response, my son wailed even louder, "Take me back to the
hotel....NOW!"
I managed to distract him by pointing to his bare feet, and
singing a song called "Hey, Mr. Barefooty." It was a variation
of Barney's "Hey Mr. Knickerbocker" Yes, I made up the song on
the spot, and it worked like a charm. Before my eyes, my son's
expression completely changed. He stopped crying and started
laughing. In fact, he danced into the house.
Maybe Barney is smarter than we give him credit for. That's why
children on his TV show are so happy and well behaved. Barney
charms kids into obedience. He distracts them from the ills of
life, and makes them smile and laugh with delight. As parents,
we can do the same. The next time your preschooler won't
cooperate, try the Barney cure.