Fighting that Feeling of Failure
As mothers, we are often our own worst enemies. We set amazingly
high standards for ourselves, forgetting that motherhood is the
toughest job in the world.
There are definitely limits to our patience and long-suffering.
We are not robots without feelings or emotions, or saints
deserving to be canonised!
There are no perfect mothers, just as there are no perfect
babies.
Can I let you in to a little secret? You may think you are the
only mother who battles with impatience, anger, frustration,
resentment etc., but you are not. We are all in the same boat!
Mothers assume that other mothers are perfect, because we don't
live with one another twenty-four hours a day! Our 'company
behaviour' is quite different to our 'at home' behaviour.
Reality
I remember my aunty describing one of her memorable moments as a
mother. She was in a shop with her three young children. While
waiting to be served, the kids decided to display their worst
behaviour, for all in the shop to observe. Trying to remain calm
in front of her critical audience, my aunty patiently attempted
to control the children, to no avail. She managed to catch one
son and tweaked his ear(behind a petition), having lost control
herself! Her son screamed, "stop pinching me mummy!"
With every eye upon her she blushed and laughed, telling her son
not to be silly. At that point she felt escape was her best
option, and beat a hasty retreat.
The reality of mothering is that we are often stretched to the
limits of our endurance.
We may fail to deal with stressful situations in the best way,
but that does not make us failures. It makes us human!
Minimising Mistakes
In my many experiences of 'blowing it', I have come to realise
two things;
Prevention is better than cure
Perfection is impossible
* Recognise there are times when you are most vulnerable, and be
on your guard. For example,
If you are exhausted, and trying to settle a wakeful baby, you
may be setting yourself up for trouble. That rhythmic pat on
baby's back could become a little too 'firm' as your frustration
builds. Its far better to ensure baby is warm and dry, and leave
her to have a cry, than to stay and loose your control. Remember
that at any time when you feel you're reaching your limit,
time-out for both of you is wise! Don't take a tired toddler to
the supermarket, it's a recipe for disaster. The tantrum your
toddler throws in the check-out queue will be nothing compared
to the one you throw on the way home in the car!
* Perfect mothers only exist in your imagination. You don't need
to be perfect to be a good mother. Mothers are givers. We give
out all the time. We exist with limited sleep, endless demands
on our time and energy, trying to meet the needs of our children
at the expense of our own. Yes we blow it from time to time, but
is it any wonder? Failure is nothing more than rising each time
you fall, ready to give it another go. Every mother makes
mistakes. Mistakes are only bad if we never learn from them!
Let's be honest enough to admit our mistakes to one another.
Then we can truly be of help and encourage one another. Be
understanding. Even if you have never experienced the same
problem, you may do so in the future. An old Indian proverb says
that until you've walked two miles in another man's moccasins,
you can't imagine the smell!
No Comparisons
You may be feeling a failure compared to someone else's
perceived success. "She's always organised, her child eats
everything healthy, sleeps well, is obedient, never throws
tantrums or hits other children. I'm obviously doing everything
wrong. I'm such a failure!"
Never make comparisons. Everyone's situation is different, and
everyone's child is different. Do your best with what you have
been given. Try to keep a positive attitude towards your own
circumstances, and especially toward yourself and your child.
Giving in to feelings of failure will only make matters worse.
We become what we believe about ourselves, and our children
become what we believe about them.
Success is fleeting and fickle, but living successfully each day
is always possible!
You are not in competition with anyone else. You are you! And
your child is your gift. In that context, be content with what
you have, and find your own success. Enjoy who you are and who
your child is!
Motherhood may bring out the worst in us at times, but focus on
the fact that it also brings out the best in us as well.
Resources we never dreamed we had before, come to the surface
when we have a baby.
I believe all mothers deserve a medal for service above and
beyond the call of duty! Visit http://articles.motherti
me.com.au for further reading.