A Profile of Encouraged Children
Walk through any mall and you will see discouraged families. The
parents look weary because the children are controlling them.
How did this happen?
With both parents working and returning home tired, sometimes
it's just easier to give in to the demands of the children.
Eventually the pattern is set. An Audio child knows if he
relentlessly demands his way, he will win. A Visual knows if she
asks for your help with a project and frets over getting it
done, you will do it for her rather than taking the time to help
her do it herself.
A Feeler child knows if she turns on the tears every time she
has a little "ouch," and you rush to her rescue rather than just
cleaning the scratch and making light of it, that she can
manipulate you by woefully crying. A Wholistic knows if he has a
temper tantrum if you don't take him with you, that you might
give in because the tantrum stops instantly when you do.
Encouraged children develop into adults with good self-esteem
and therefore, function through their Empowering Tendencies.
Discouraged children end up as adults working through their
Limiting Tendencies. This means they are controlling. They found
out at an early age how to control you and now they do it with
others as well.
In the children's section of Stop When You See Red, there is a
table that shows parental actions that lead to discouraging
results, such as a confrontation with your Audio child where you
are both demanding your way. Recommended actions are then listed
that lead to more encouraging results.
You can easily spot a family that has encouraged their children
because they are happy and relaxed. The family members obviously
enjoy being with each other and there is mutual respect. In my
book I also talk about 5-star efforts, which are actions that
take more effort but the rewards are worth it. Here is an
excellent example: When I was shopping with my sister, I
observed two pairs of siblings running around the store. One set
was getting into mischief. They took toilet paper off the shelf,
built a fort, and then left it, all in a matter of minutes. They
opened a bottle of soda, drank some and left the rest. They made
a hole in a bag of candy and took some. Where was the parent? I
never did see them with a parent.
The other pair, a boy of about age 5 and his sister, about 3