Parenting: How to Set Limits for Young Children
As a parent, you need to set limits and instill appropriate
behavior in young children. Sometimes, the best ways to
accomplish this are not very obvious. Here are several
suggestions to help you accomplish this more easily.
* Give specific instructions. "Be good" is not a specific
instruction. "I'll play with you after you brush your teeth" is
a specific instruction. So is "Put your toys into this box."
* Experts say it is far better to have a few rules that you
consistently enforce than to have many rules that you enforce
only once in a while. Therefore, avoid setting too many rules.
* Rules and limits you set for your child should be appropriate
for her age. They can be for the health / safety of the child
and adults, or for other reasons. Above all, clearly explain
both the rule and the rationale for having it.
* Give the child the opportunity to freely express his feelings
about the limits you set. Even if those feelings are negative
ones. Respond by repeating their opinions in your own words --
"I know you feel left out when mommy has to spend so much time
with the baby."
* Shouting at or hitting a child is counterproductive and
dangerous. Such behavior shows a lack of respect for the child
and can lead to other problems.
* Get to eye level with the child and make eye contact when
explaining rules.
* Be brief but clear on the rule or limit. Talking too much is
not very useful. In particular, avoid labeling the child as
dumb, slow, etc.
* Speak kindly and firmly to the child. Emotion-laded speech and
body language is not useful either, when it comes to teaching
self-discipline.
* Cut out your personal involvement in the situation. Don't, for
instance, accuse the child of having done something just to make
you mad.
* When possible, give the child a choice between two
alternatives that are acceptable to you. Being able to make a
choice always gives a feeling of greater control to the child.
He or she will then be far more willing to listen to you.
* Let a child know in advance what's coming. For instance, if
she hates taking a bath, let her know that in fifteen minutes,
it will be bath-time. This will help reduce her frustration.
* Be sensitive to the child's moods and feelings, When he is
hungry or tired, he's much less likely to cooperate with a new
rule.
Follow these suggestions and you'll make it easier for the child
to accept sensible limits and live by them.