Let Your Children Help You Prepare for the Big Move
INTRODUCTION AND INTUITION
Are you and your children moving house soon ? If you're moving
to a new town or a new region, it can be rough on your children
as they may feel uprooted and disoriented. Your children lose
the comfort and security of the world they know - from their
private spaces to their more public places: their bedroom, their
house, their yard, their neighborhood, their school, their local
park, their town and so forth. Worst of all, they lose regular
contact with their friends and, possibly, aunts, uncles and
cousins in the bargain. In addition, they suddenly find
themselves the "new kids in town," trying to find their niche in
a new community.
This article offers some ideas that you might try in order to
ease the transition for your children. They're all just common
sense, but a little advance planning can go a long way.
PREPARATIONS AND POSSIBILITIES
First of all, let your children know the reasons for the move:
why you MUST move or why you WANT TO move: for a new job or a
company transfer ? further schooling or job training ? for
financial reasons ? to be nearer to your own parents or other
family members ? due to a divorce or remarriage ? for health
reasons ? for a new climate ? for a change of scene or simply
for the adventure of it ? The less of a mystery it is, the more
likely your children are to understand the situation and to
cooperate.
Try to get your children excited about the move - the more
interested they are, the more they'll look forward to it and the
less they'll dwell on the wistful aspects of leaving their old
home and familiar surroundings. Encourage them to research the
new locale - its topography and climate, local history and
landmarks. What interseting past events occurred in your new
town or state or region ? What intersting places are there to
see in the new area: state or national parks ? historical
buildings ? unfamiliar birds and wildlife ? local festivals ?
regional music styles ? fascinating local customs ? The bigger
the move, the more there will be that's different and exciting.
For example, when I once moved from the Northeastern United
states to the Southeast, I found a fascinating and exotically
unfamiliar world of azaleas, swamps, alligators and clog dancing.
Make the research into a game: utilizing Internet, library
books, tourist office brochures and other information sources
and encouraging your children to draw up lists of the types of
things that will be new, or comparisons between their old and
new locales. Have them list sites they'd like to visit and new
foods and activities they'd like to try. They could list all of
the positive points about the move, the advantages of the new
climate, and so on.
If it's feasible, it might be nice to take your kids to see the
new place in advance of the move. On the other hand, that might
make the move itself anticlimatic, so it may depend on how
inherently interesting the new location is. The more interesting
and different from your old locale, the more a sneak preview
visit might tantalize your children and peak their eagerness for
the move itself. Either way, use books, Internet and travel
videos to view glimpses of the new region.
When the time comes to house hunt or apartment hunt, involve
your children in drawing up a list of criteria or desired
features. What do you and they want in a new neighborhood: other
kids to play with ? proximity to stores, school, park ? some
woods to play in ? And what about your new home - will it have a
big yard ? lots of trees ? space for a flower or vegetable
garden ? How many rooms will it have ? Will there be a bedroom
for each child ?
If possible, let the children house hunt with you and then
compare notes with them on each place that you visit. Keep them
in on the decision-making process whenever you can. The more
input they have into choosing a new home, the more quickly it
will feel like home to them.
Once you've committed yourself to renting or buying a place and
so know what school each of your children will be attending, let
them learn all they can about it. Perhaps the school has a
website that they can look at.
As you work your way through the myriad of details that you must
take care of to ensure a smooth move from one locale to another
(packing, moving vans, electricity, telephone lines, change of
address cards,...), try not to get mired down in the minutia. Be
sensitive to how your kids are feeling and try to answer any
questions that they might have. Weeks in advance you could help
your children set up a countdown calendar to build their sense
of anticipation as the big day approaches.
CONTINUITY AND CAMARADERIE
No matter how exciting the move will be, moving inevitably
entails the sadness of leaving friends and, perhaps, family
behind. Make time for special activities your children can do
with their friends. Have special family days with grandparents
or cousins, for farewell parties, and so forth, in the weeks
leading up to the big move. Take lots of photos during these
events.
Don't forget to collect addresses, phone numbers, email
addresses and photographs of everyone that you and your children
want to stay in touch with. Take home videos, too. (Later on,
your children's photos, scrapbooks and home videos of life in
and around their old home can be shown to new friends and
complete the bridge between their old world and their new one.)
Try to think of novel ways that your kids will be able to
continue established relationships. For example, your children
could create a simple personal website for posting family news
and recent photos and updates on their new life in the new place
and for exchanging emails with old friends. They could start a
group blog. Buy them pretty stationary for traditional
penpal-style contact with old friends. Draw up an extensive
Christmas card list that leaves out no one. Consider making
advance promises (and then keeping them) for having your
children's closest old friends come stay with you in your new
home next summer, or whenever.
SETTLING IN AND SETTLING DOWN
As you're moving into your new home and unpacking, try to make
the setting up of your children's special places a priority. Let
them help make decisions about how to decorate their own rooms
and make them as homey as possible as quickly as possible. Some
of their old furniture and keepsakes will provide them with some
security and continuity and help them settle in more quickly and
easily. Don't forget other spots that contribute to making your
kids feel at home - such as a playroom or a sandbox, swingset,
or picnic table in the yard, depending on your children's ages
and what they're accustomed to.
In addition to this, make it as easy as you can for your
children to make new friends; you might have a housewarming
party and invite neighborhood kids, encourage your kids to
invite new schoolmates over after school, and participate in
local events at school, the public library, or a nearby
community center. Let them join afterschool clubs, scout troops,
the local band or choir, an amateur theater group - whatever
interests them. You can also get yourself involved in things
that affect your children's lives: join the local carpool or the
PTA, for instance. the sooner you all ease into daily routines,
the more quickly you'll all feel like you're truly "home."
CONCLUSIONS AND COOPERATION
If the entire family pitches in to handle preparations for the
big move, your children will feel more like they are important
members of the family. Let each of them have a part to play in
learning about your new locale, preparing for the move, keeping
ties to loved ones in the old locale, and settling into your new
home. Your children's attitudes should be improved, their
excitement about the move heightened, and their fears
diminished, if you make that extra effort and take that extra
time to get them involved in every step of the process.
Good luck with your move, there"s no place like home - be it old
or new !