Natural Disasters - Help Your Child Cope With The Anxiety
How on earth can you help your family cope with the anxiety and
fear that natural disasters strike into the heart of everyone?
In early 2005, for example, the world was rocked by the tsunami
in South East Asia that killed thousands and left many homeless
and orphaned.
Yet, at the Edinburgh International Festival yesterday I saw a
group of Sri Lankan children, all victims of this natural
disaster, perform a dance routine based on a play by
Shakespeare.
Their smiling faces and youthful exuberance left no one in any
doubt that these kids had not only survived, but had been helped
to grieve, move on, and live life to the full again.
It can be done.
But what of our own kids, who have not suffered the actual
experience of a disaster? They may nevertheless fall prey to an
insidious and potentially devastating trauma.
This is unacknowledged fear or anxiety, and many
parents may be unaware that it's happening to their own kids
under their very noses.
I say unacknowledged anxiety because often children
themselves don't recognise it for what it is. And that's when
real trouble starts!
Often our kids witness disasters on TV. If they're shocked or
horrified, and are reluctant to talk about their response, the
fear can become repressed. It then manifests in 'side
effects' such as physical ailments, school problems,
relationship difficulties, or loss of confidence.
So what can parents do to help?
First of all we must realise that kids take in more than we
think they do.
For example, when the AIDS crisis was preoccupying every radio
and TV station in the western world it never dawned on my wife
and I that our young kids would even think about it. We thought
they were too wrapped up in Star Wars or The Care
Bears or whatever the current fads were.
We noticed that one of our sons was becoming untypically fretful
and anxious, and wasn't sleeping well.
During a particularly bad episode one night, it all came out. He
didn't know what the AIDS crisis was, but it terrified him! He
was shaking uncontrollably, and thought we were all going to die
horrible deaths very soon.
We overcame this problem, and I've since learned that our son's
reaction was similar to that of many kids' when they don't fully
understand something - and we parents go about our business in
blissful ignorance!
So first of all, be aware that natural disasters, and even human
atrocities like terrorist events, can make a deep impact on even
very young children.
Bring the kids into the discussion. Avoid playing down the
reality of these events, and allow the kids to express their
feelings openly and frankly.
Having dealt with the horrors - and trust me, the kids will feel
better after talking about them! - concentrate on other aspects
of the subject.
First of all, make a frank assessment of the likelihood of it
happening to them.
If there's been an earthquake somewhere, and you live in an area
that's not likely to be affected by one, let them know. If you
do live in an earthquake zone, stress the procedures to
be followed in the event.
But also look for the GOOD springing from disasters or
accidents: people rally round; poor countries have their debts
written off; measures are taken (such as building sea walls and
early detectors) to ensure the disaster doesn't happen again . .
. And discuss ways the kids themselves can help, like fund
raising.
Most importantly, provide emotional support when fear strikes.
The awareness that there's a strong, warm, comforting adult
presence - a pillar of strength in their lives - can work
wonders.
To sum up: Be aware of the kids' reactions, talk out their
fears, look for ways to take helpful action, and provide the
emotional support your kids need.
Do this, and you can rest assured your kids will cope with the
news of disasters and atrocities, which in modern life are all
too inevitable.
Happy parenting!