Relate With Your Teen And Gain Their Trust
We were all teens at one time for some many years ago even if we
don't like to admit it. Many of us can look back and say our
teen years were good, but with many ups and downs as we
approached adulthood. Some of us maybe were lucky enough to have
parents we could talk to about anything with ease. Today's teens
deal with many of the same issues, but also deal with some very
difficult issues that are more prevalent in today's youth. Your
teen will need guidance and most likely seek advice. As parents
we need to help insure that our teens will come to us with most
of these issues. We need to create an atmosphere that will
encourage our teens to turn to us. It can be quite a task to get
your teen to open up and I found with my teenage boys they were
a little reluctant to discuss personal issues. It's quite normal
for your teen to seem more distant as they work their way to
adulthood. Many times they will seek advice from their peers,
but don't worry, this is normal for kids this age. Peers play a
big part in the teenage years and strong healthy relationships
with their peers is important to them. More importantly though,
I believe they need to be able to relate and confide in their
parents as much as possible. It's likely this will not happen
without some encouragement from the parents. Making ourselves
available, showing we understand, and that they can talk openly
with us without judgment plays a key factor in getting them to
open up and feel comfortable doing so. Some issues today's teens
face may be difficult or uncomfortable to discuss, but looking
the other way will not help. If they can't come to you they will
seek advice or help elsewhere. Personally, I would much rather
have my teen come to me regardless of the topic, rather than
turn to another source who does not love and care for them the
way I do. We as parents don't want our teens turning to someone
who may not have their best interests in mind. The guidance and
advice they receive during these wonderful, but yet difficult
years can impact the choices they make in the future, therefore,
the present time is crucial. While some decisions they may have
to make will seem insignificant, some could affect the rest of
their lives. Whether the importance is big or small they need to
know they can turn to their parents for everything. I have found
with my teens, by offering stories or comparisons to when I was
their age, is an effective way to get the conversation started.
In a relaxed one on one situation, casually bringing things up
opened the door to allow my boys to talk about a similar
situation they may have experienced. Sometimes, they tend to
refer to a friend that was going through something similar,
which very well could be the case, but at the same time, I take
it as a hint. If a close peer is going through it, most likely,
they are too or will be. By letting teens know through
comparison, that when you were a teen, you too had similar
issues and was once their age, will encourage them to open up.
Will everything they want to talk about be a major dilemma? The
answer is No. Will they suddenly spill their guts and divulge
everything to you from this point on? Not likely because it
takes time to establish that kind of trust. Yes, they have been
your kids for many years and they trust you, but this is Trust
taken to a whole new level. The idea is to keep the lines of
communication open, show them you care, that you understand and
you are there for them. Build a strong level of trust with your
teen and hopefully when the big issues come up, you may be the
first to know.