Your Kid's Career - Whose Choice?
A strange thing happened to me today.
Or more precisely, a strange thought occurred. You see,
my eldest son helped me install a new kitchen. He was the expert
handyman. Me? Well, I was the 'gofor'. "Dad, could you go for
this?" "Dad, will you go for that . . ."
And you know, it took me back to my childhood. I used to stand
by MY dad's side, helping him mend this and build that. What a
pride I took in those days, holding a plank of wood at one end
while he measured it, or going into his toolbox to fetch a
bigger screwdriver. The master and the apprentice!
Yet despite all my admiration, I never quite mastered the
secrets of DIY. In my own house, I muddle through jobs as best I
can, or just leave them undone. Occasionally I'll send for a
tradesman.
Yet somehow I raised a son who, like his Grandad, can turn his
hand to anything - while I STILL stand and watch!
This particular creative talent managed to skip a generation,
only to re-emerge with a flourish in my boy.
There lies the crux of this article.
We each discover our own talents, leanings, and strong points.
As a teacher I hear so many kids complain about their parents,
who - with the best will in the world! - force their kids into
curriculum choices or career paths which say more about the
parents and their aspirations.
Why do so many of us insist on directing, or even
dictating, career choices for our kids?
Many possible reasons spring to mind: - perhaps we
compensate for our own lack of achievement
- or we want
to bask in the reflected glory
- we fear that if we
don't push them, their talents will remain unused or
under-developed
- maybe we think we'll lose face with our
neighbours, friends or family if our child doesn't enter a high
profile or glamorous 'profession'
- or maybe we just feel
that as parents we know best
Talk about a recipe for
disaster!
Trying to live our own lives through our kids tends to
fill them with resentment. Go along this path and we'll soon
encounter a breakdown in relationships, and our kids will seethe
with unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment.
Sometimes our children may even go along with our wishes because
they want to please. They feel grateful for all we've done and
don't want to disappoint us. The outcome here can be even more
insidious: if a child or young person lacks one hundred per cent
commitment to the path we choose for them, it can manifest
itself in low achievement, depression and even physical illness.
What a waste of everyone's time, energy, talents and resources!
On the other hand, we do want to guide them, don't we? We
instinctively know we should give them the benefit of our
experience.
So how do we go about it?
The key lies in ENCOURAGEMENT.
>From the earliest possible age, encourage your child to be
confident, positive, and optimistic.
And observe them in all they do. Cherish their uniqueness, and
enjoy seeing their individual talents unfold.
Avoid forcing any issues; concentrate on encouraging growth and
development, even if - especially if! - their talents take them
along a road unfamiliar to you. Often, what a parent least
expects develops into a major plus in their child.
Strive for open and unbiased expectations. If ballet dancing
interests your child, encourage him or her to research that
activity, try it out, and make a confident, realistic appraisal
- don't try to force them into medicine or the law instead!
In high school some teachers encourage kids to make their
curriculum choices to suit future career aspirations. But this
stresses many unsure kids. My advice has borne fruit over the
years: "Choose what you're best at and what you
enjoy most. The rest will take care of itself!" And it
does.
Again, encourage confidence and optimism. Because
today and in the future, most of our kids will not enjoy the
luxury previous generations enjoyed - a job for life. Our kids
need adaptability in order to face change willingly and without
fear.
By encouraging them to follow their hearts, we can do much to
help them.
Happy parenting!