Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with parenting
- but it made me think . . .
"Hello, Eastbank Football Club. Can I help you?" "Good morning,
may I speak with the Assistant Coach, please?" "Oh, I'm sorry.
He's still on vacation." "I see. Is anyone on the coaching staff
there?" "No, they're all away right now. The club's closed for
another week yet. I'm only the Groundsman." "Well, thanks
anyway. And hey, why say you're only the Groundsman? If
it wasn't for you, there wouldn't be a football club. They'd
have nowhere to play!" (Pause) "Yeah, I'd never really
thought of it like that. (Laughter) Thanks a lot, pal,
you've made my day!"
So often we do ourselves down, don't we? We devalue our own
contribution or service. "I'm only a shop assistant!" "I'm only
a . . . " (fill in the blank!) Sometimes we even hear women say:
"I'm just a housewife"!
Confidence and self-esteem are often in short supply these days.
And nowhere more so than in PARENTING!
Even those who are superbly confident in their work or social
situations, often teeter on the edge when it comes to their
parenting skills.
Why?
Is it something to do with the breakdown in old-fashioned values
and concepts of authority; the widening gulf between kids and
their parents; the dangers we as parents are so acutely aware
of, but which are casually dismissed by our kids?
Whatever the causes, there's a lot you can do to improve things.
Step 1 Dr Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power Of
Positive Thinking, used to advise people to sit down and
write out a list of all their assets and abilities.
But Dr Peale's next suggestion is crucial. Once the list of
assets and abilities has been written, he tells us to raise the
stakes. Simply BELIEVE that you are at the very least 10%
better than you think. It's now widely acknowledged in modern
psychology that you'll still be way off the mark! So have faith.
You're better than you think.
Step 2 Do some study. You probably weren't taught
parenting skills at school or college, yet parenting is the most
vital contribution to society. There are lots of books, courses,
tapes, CDs and videos on parenting. No excuses! Grab some and
get busy. Knowledge and insight bring confidence. Whatever stage
you're at, you can improve yourself.
Step 3 Learn to temper your reaction in stressful
parenting situations. Easier said than done! But you can make a
conscious effort to stay calm and remind yourself of Dr Peale's
advice (You're more capable than you think you are!), and you
can put into practice what you've been studying about family
dynamics.
Step 4 Develop yourself in some way. Yes, remember those
piano lessons you once took, or that art class you attended?
Interests like these are great stress relievers and they build
self-confidence - which is vital for parenting. If you feel
you're already confident in other matters, but it's only in
parenting you feel a lack, why not take up some activity with
your kids? Learning together brings you together, and can be
great fun!
Step 5 Finally, resist any temptation to go it alone.
Nature intended us to be social creatures. Seek advice from
grandparents, relatives, friends. Overcome your pride. Discuss
your parenting challenges with others and draw on the communal
strength. And d'you know what? You'll find you're not alone.
Let's work on parenting together, as a community.
Confident parents raise confident kids.
Take action now. If you do nothing, you can look forward to more
of the same: worry, tension, ill-feeling etc etc.
Zap these negative trends once and for all. To give yourself a
real boost, check out my website. There you'll find lots more to
help you and your kids live life to the full.