Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish
Family
I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all,
she grew up eating Chinese food!
I grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood of Montreal. My mother is
Sephardic Italian and my father is a Holocaust survivor from
Poland. I speak Italian with my mother and Yiddish with my
father and siblings. My wife, Belinda Cheung, was born and
raised in Hong Kong and came to Canada when she was 17.
I married Belinda in 1999. Our marriage has been working
wonderfully well. Despite our cultural differences, our
worldviews and approaches to life are remarkably identical. We
are busy raising our two young children, and our lives are
meaningful and fulfilling.
Picture frames reflecting both Chinese and Jewish influences
adorn our home. We are keen on learning about each other's
culture. We make a point to learn each other's languages through
tapes and books. Although we are both fully fluent in English,
my wife chooses to speak Cantonese to our children, and I speak
Yiddish. Between us, we converse in English. Our children
identify with their Yiddish and Chinese names, in addition to
their English names. Our elder son, Asher (age 3), seems to
handle the different languages well. We make an effort to be
consistent in our use of languages with our children. We expose
them to both Chinese and Jewish games, as well as Chinese,
Yiddish, Hebrew and English books, songs and videos.
With an Italian mother and a Chinese wife, I am likely
one of the most well-fed guys on earth! On Sabbath, my wife
often makes "Chinese cholent," which I thoroughly enjoy. She
shops for Chinese mushrooms, lotus seeds, ginseng and various
kinds of Chinese fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. I take
pleasure in preparing Italian dishes, and we both like Ashkenazi
Jewish cuisine. One time, my mother-in-law assisted with
cooking, and we all had an authentic Chinese meal on Friday
night. It was a delightful evening and a pleasant cultural shock
to my parents. Using chopsticks is still a challenge for me, but
it only makes life more interesting!
I am fascinated with Chinese history, language and culture.
Belinda's roots are almost as important to me as my own. I am
constantly looking for ways to infuse more Chinese culture into
our lives. Even my favourite ties display ancient Chinese
scripts and I often wear them on Sabbath. The Chinese and the
Jews have a lot in common in their ethical teachings.
We keep a kosher diet and celebrate all Jewish holidays,
including the holy Sabbath. We are grateful that my parents, my
Chinese in-laws, as well as our secular relatives and friends,
are respectful of our Jewish observances. My brother-in-law, who
is Protestant, had joined us on several occasions and
experienced Sabbath and Sukkot (Festival of Booths), and even
had a taste of matzah on Passover. We give lai-si (red packets
containing money, decorated with characters and drawings
symbolizing luck and wealth) to our children on Chinese New
Year.We may catch a dragon boat race during the Dragon Boat
Festival, or play with Chinese lanterns around the August Moon
Festival. When we are sick, we seek medical treatment and advice
from both Chinese and Western doctors. Last year I had the
opportunity to meet many of my wife's relatives and childhood
friends in Hong Kong, as well as to visit her schools and
converse with her former teachers. Belinda also enjoyed meeting
my aunts and cousins in Rome. These experiences are very special
and memorable to us.
While we cherish both backgrounds, when we have to choose
between them Jewish holidays and observances take precedence
over Chinese holidays and customs. Belinda finds Judaism
meaningful and she has learned to love it more than Chinese
traditions. Judaism is central to us, and it helps imbue our
lives with meaning and direction..
How did we get to this arrangement? From the moment we
began dating, we enthusiastically explored each other's cultures
through visiting many ethnic establishments and participating in
various cultural activities. Our goal was to broaden our
horizons and to take the best of both worlds. However, as my
parents were vehemently opposed to my dating Belinda because my
religion prohibits intermarriage, we delved deeper into Judaism
while also examining other religions. We read voraciously on
different spiritualities. We attended Chinese churches, Buddhist
and Taoist temples; took part in Jews for Jesus, Reform,
Conservative and Orthodox Jewish synagogues and events; visited
a Sikh Gurdwara, a Muslim mosque; and toured Israel for a month.
It was a long but worthwhile journey. Through it all, we
inspired each other in our spiritual growth, and helped shape
each other's outlook on life. Belinda eventually converted to
Judaism after more than four years of exploring and learning.
She genuinely loves Judaism. An important reason that my wife
and I have adjusted to each other so well is that we had
developed a common vision for ourselves before we got
married.
We are now connected to a Torah-observant community where people
are accepting of us and our Asian-looking Jewish children. We
were forewarned by the rabbinical court which presided over my
wife's conversion that there would always be some Jews who, out
of ignorance of Judaism, look down at converts and their
children as being "not really" Jewish. Thank God, we have not
experienced this kind of debasement.
We hope that as our children grow up, they will question,
investigate and renew their commitment to our Jewish heritage,
and also respect and honor their Chinese roots. That they will
carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise
their children with healthy and life-affirming values and
practices.
This article originally appeared on www.InterfaithFamily.com, a
member of the Jewz.com Media Network.