Babies: How to Get Your Children Excited About the New Arrival
The sudden appearance of a new baby can be rough on the other
children in the family. Daily routines are disrupted and
suddenly mom and dad are too busy to pay attention to older
siblings. Worst of all, the new baby is the instant star of the
family - the center of attention. The adorable baby is the big
attraction for everyone from mom and dad, to visiting relatives,
to casual acquaintances bumped into at the mall, right down to
strangers on the street. Everyone is talking baby talk, cooing
at the new baby, and making a fuss over the newborn. The older
kids may feel shunted aside and resentful. This is especially
true for the displaced former baby of the family.
Given these natural reactions, anything that you can do to
prepare your other children for the new arrival will ease the
transition. Everything you can do to involve your kids in
advance and to get them to actually look forward to the birth
will make a big difference in how they experience it. It might
even help establish a stronger brother or sister bond with the
new baby that will contribute to the lasting closeness of a
positive sibling relationship.
Here are some simple ideas that expectant parents might try, to
smooth the road ahead for their other children. Most are common
knowledge or simply common sense, but sometimes too easily
forgotten amid all the excitement and activity surrounding the
birth of a new baby. A few might be new ideas that are worth a
try. A little advance thought and preparation may go a long way
towards making the "blessed event" a blessing for the ENTIRE
family. Hopefully, you'll be inspired to try some of these
ideas, so here goes.
Let your other kids in on the secret as soon as the pregnancy
is confirmed, well before it is obvious just by looking at mom.
Even with your youngest children, try to give them some
understanding of the changes that mom is going through and what
they mean. Check out your local public library. It should have
books geared to all different ages that can explain, in terms
that children can understand, the biological process of having a
baby. Picture books about baby animals may also help crystalize
the concept and relate it to something your kids have already
experienced, like watching newborn kittens, for example.
The library or local bookstore should also be able to guide you
to works of fiction, including picture books for preschoolers,
that focus on the arrival of a new baby in the family and such
issues as jealousy and feelings of neglect. Quiet parent-child
story reading times can provide an ideal opportunity to prepare
young children for changes that are on the way and to reassure
them of their own importance and irreplaceable position in the
family. Discuss things openly and answer your kids' questions.
Encourage your children to think about life with the new baby
and how family routines will be altered. Coax your kids to
develop their own lists of things that will be fun about having
a new baby in the house - for example, they can push the baby
carriage and help dress the baby. Help them think about all the
things that they'll be able to share with and teach the baby as
he or she grows up and how important their role will be as a
"big brother" or "big sister".
At other times, let them focus on coming up with ways that they
can help care for the baby or have them think of things they can
do around the house to ease the burden on mom and dad. Also,
take this opportunity to make your kids aware that babies
require gentle handling and a quiet environment. You might even
use a baby doll with your younger children to role play baby's
diaper changing and feeding.
Nurture the feeling that every family member is of equal
importance and that each occupies a special niche and has
special contributions to make. No one is being replaced by the
baby and the family cannot be whole unless EVERYONE is a part of
it. If your kids internalize this belief, you may be able to
avoid some of the trauma and the understandable resentment
toward this little stranger who has stolen mommy and daddy's
hearts. The better your children are prepared for the impending
event, the better they'll be able to cope with it emotionally.
As part of that preparation process, from time to time plan
special activities with your kids that relate to babies. For
example, they might draw pictures of babies or collect baby
photos from magazines and create a collage. Sit down and go
through photo albums of your kids' baby pictures and reminisce
with them about their own arrivals into the world. Re-tell any
family anecdotes surrounding their births. Teach your children
lullabies that they can sing to the baby, plus finger games and
"peek-a-boo" games to entertain their new brother or sister.
Arts and crafts projects can furnish a special parent-child
discussion and sharing time and may sometimes revolve around
preparations for the new baby. Kids can make pictures to hang in
the baby's room, or create a baby-safe mobile to hang over the
baby's crib, or draw scenes in which they imagine their lives
with the new baby - rocking the baby in their arms, and so
forth.
Let the kids be involved in every facet of the preparations
that you yourself are making for the baby's arrival. Your kids
can help you repaint the nursery or paint a mural on the nursery
wall, and help you pick out baby furniture, bedding and nursery
decorations. They can choose baby clothes that appeal to them.
All of these things can later give the children pride and a
sense of importance and inclusion in the baby's life. When
grandma says "What a cute bib the baby's wearing," your
preschooler can say "I picked it !"
In addition, make your children key members of the family
committee that chooses a name for the new baby. Keep the kids
involved and actively participating and then, as the birth
becomes imminent, dad and the kids may even conspire to prepare
some extra, special, secret surprises for mom and the baby, like
buying or creating a special keepsake item or putting together a
"welcome home" party.
In short, it's always worth the effort to do as much as you can
to get your kids involved in and excited about the arrival of a
new baby. Include them in every step of the process. The more
they feel that it is THEIR baby, too, the more positive their
attitudes will be towards the baby. In this way, you can try to
minimize the natural insecurities and feelings of jealousy that
go with the territory.
The suggestions mentioned in this article can help lay the
groundwork for good sibling relationships but, of course, you
can't rest on your laurels once the baby is born. After the baby
arrives, try to do everything you can to set aside some special
time each day that's just for you and each of your other
children. Offer them special little treats or outings or
surprises, and encourage grandma and grandpa to do the same. To
reduce jealousy, give your kids pride in the things that they
CAN do that the baby can't do, like dressing themselves or
enjoying a movie or reciting their ABCs. Continue along the path
that you started on months earlier - reassure your kids that
each of them is just as important as the baby is, so that they
won't feel that they must compete for your love and attention.
Good luck and oh, by the way, congratulations !