Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns
Identity and Your Fraternal Twin
For the most part, throughout this article I refer to a
fraternal twin in the singular rather than the plural "twins."
This is to emphasize the individuality of each twin. Too often
twins are defined only by their being a part of a whole, rather
than by their own individual identity. This can be very damaging
emotionally, especially during the time children are struggling
to establish their own self worth and place in the world.
Treat your fraternal twin as the autonomous, unique child they
are. Genetically, fraternal twins are no more similar than their
siblings who were born one at a time, and they certainly have
personalities all their own. DNA tests can be performed to
determine which type of twins your children are - fraternal,
identical, etc. Far too often people look too hard for
similarities between fraternal twins that simply aren't there -
and in the meanwhile, they miss the opportunity to get to know
each twin individually.
As a parent, do everything in your power to encourage each twin
as they develop their own identities. If one wants to play
soccer and the other has a passion for bagpipes, encourage each
of them to work hard and excel at what they want to do. You will
be doing the twins and the world a gross disservice by
pigeon-holing both children into the same activity just because
they happened to be born at the same time.
At the same time you are encouraging and accepting the
difference between your fraternal twin and her brother,
accentuate the similarities. There is no doubt your twins will
share a special bond, if for no other reason than that they are
growing up with a sibling their same age. The bond that
fraternal twins share can be the source of love and support
throughout their lives, and you would hate to destroy that by
being overeager to make them lead different
lives.Dressing Your Twins Alike
When they are little, it probably matters very little what you
dress your twins in. But when your fraternal twin starts to
become conscious of the fact that she is different than most
people, you will need to be especially sensitive to her needs
with regards to establishing her individual identity. Simply
put, if your children like being dressed the same, do it; if
they don't, do them and yourself the favor of letting them wear
different clothes.
In the end, as is the case with all children, there is no clear
cut answer when it comes to the best way to raise your twins.
Learn everything you can from those who have been there and done
that, but trust your parental intuition and do what's best for
your kids. Finally, remember that "the most important work you
will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."