Mindfulness and Marriage: Moving Along
Marriage has to be the greatest opportunity for mindfulness on
the planet.
I used to think that parenting took top honors, but really, a
good marriage lasts a lot longer than a good childhood. After
all, the kids do move out eventually, but the spouse stays.
Never the type to do things half-heartedly, my husband and I up
the ante when it comes to spending time together. We have
breakfast together. We ride to work together. We work all day
together. We ride home together. We eat dinner together. We go
to bed together.
This could be a recipe for disaster, but instead, we think it's
the coolest thing ever, and we never take that for granted.
With all that proximity, we have learned tremendous patience and
we've got a killer sense of humor. This means that even in our
snarkiest moments, we know we will find a reason to crack up
about it later.
In fact, some of our favorite stories are about moments of
extreme mindlessness, and if truth be told, I tend to be the
mindless one.
I know, I know. I'm supposed to be the mindfulness expert. Well,
as I always insist, you can't be mindful of everything AT ONCE,
right?
So, here is my favorite mindless moment--and what I learned from
it.... While moving from Oregon to Montana several years ago, my
husband was driving the U-Haul packed with all of our worldly
possessions. Inside the cab of the truck with him was our second
daughter, Tara, and our hyperactive yellow Lab, Thor. Meanwhile,
I was driving behind him in the car with the other three
daughters.
Hours passed. I obediently followed behind him, despite the fact
that driving behind a big truck is, well, annoying. So, when we
finally got to the mountain pass and the U-Haul was chugging
along at 30 miles per hour, I felt it would be just fine if I
passed him and made my way to Missoula. I figured I'd get to the
new house first and get ready for the move-in.
I sailed happily along Montana highways (no posted speed limit),
smiling to myself, excited to be heading to our new home. In
fact, so thrilled was I that I didn't even stop to think that
maybe Tom wasn't behind me. What could go wrong?
Well, everything. Unbeknownst to me, the truck's axle had
broken, leaving Tom and Tara and Thor stranded along the road
miles behind me. He tried to call me on my cell phone, but so
blissful was I that I had, ahem, turned off my phone. They ended
up hitching a ride in the filthy cab of a junk-hauling pick- up
with three other people (hyper dog included) for over an hour to
stay at a hotel (hyper dog included) until the next day when the
truck was repaired.
Needless to say, I got an earful when we were all reunited in
Missoula. I felt terrible, and yet I couldn't help but laugh at
the thought of them stranded in Idaho with our out-of-control
dog yanking our daughter hither and yon while Tom is calling my
cell phone repeatedly. Fortunately, Tom and Tara laughed about
it too--eventually.
What did I learn?