My Son's Teacher was a Bully
When my son was in sixth grade, he came home with a rip in his
new sneakers. He told me the gym teacher did it during a sneaker
check. It sounded like a fib, or at best, an accident on the
teacher's part, but I needed to clarify things.
"You mean he tugged on your sneaker and it ripped?" I asked.
"No, he said. It ripped when he threw it across the floor and it
hit the doorway."
"He threw it across the floor?" I tried to keep my voice guarded.
"Yeah, if your sneaker comes off, he throws it. My sneaker
ripped when it hit the doorway and flew into the hall. Then I
had to go get it."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I struggled to keep
my emotions to myself. If this teacher was so concerned about
safety, how does he explain forcing a child to run across the
slippery gym floor in bare socks to fetch his sneakers? What
about the embarrassment and humiliation? Isn't that a form of
bullying? I thought my son was exaggerating. But what if he
wasn't?
I had a hard time accepting my son's explanation, but I couldn't
let it go. Either he wasn't telling the truth, or this teacher
was way out of line. Both scenarios needed to be addressed. I
made an appointment to talk with the principal the next morning.
The principal met my concerns with doubt. When she tired to
dismiss me, I told her I wanted to speak to the gym teacher in
person.
The minute this man walked into her office, I could tell there
was a problem. I knew my son had told the truth. The gym teacher
barely said hello. He didn't reach out to shake my hand, nor did
he return my smile. He had a cocky attitude, but he didn't even
know why I was there yet.
I bit my tongue, complementing him on his concern for safety. He
shrugged his shoulders in response. Then I told him that my son
came home with a rip in his new sneakers. Another shrug.
Diplomacy wasn't working, so I asked him if he threw my son's
sneaker across the room. "Yeah, so?" was his reply.
"Yeah, so?" My emotions kicked in. "Who do you think you are?
This isn't boot camp and my son is not a Marine. He is a sixth
grade student. You mean to tell me you whipped his sneaker
across the gym, and then made him fetch it like a dog?"
"Hey, they weren't tied," was all he said.
"Don't you ever, I mean ever as much as touch my son again. If
his sneakers aren't tied, make his sit out of class, give him
demerits, or call me, but if you touch him again, I'll come into
that gym and throw you across the room. Got it?"
"Hey, whatever," he said. "I have rules. His sneakers weren't
tied."
For a brief moment, I floundered. The principal's silence made
me uncomfortable and the gym teacher's attitude was
intimidating. I gathered my thoughts, took a deep breath and
said, "Don't you realize how damaging your actions are?
"Is that all?" he said, directing his question to the principal.
Then he left the room.
Two weeks later, the gym teacher was gone. I'm not certain what
happened, but I believe his attitude aided in his demise. I
wasn't looking for his dismissal, just common courtesy and
respect for my son and his classmates. I guess that was more
than he could offer.
Teachers have a very difficult job. As a whole, I commend their
efforts and dedication. However, as with any profession, there
are good and there are bad. If my son didn't have physical proof
of this teacher's bullying behavior, I would never have known
what was going on.
Even as an adult, it can be intimidating to walk into a
principal's office. But I am a parent who believes my son's
physical and emotional safety are paramount. I am able to set
aside my own issues to make sure my son is safe.
It's difficult enough to deal with a classroom bully, but when
the bully is your child's teacher, it's usually even more
difficult to correct the problem. Most times, the school
administration will view a parent's complaint as arrogance on
the part of a parent of an unruly child or revenge for a poor
grade. Proof is difficult to come by. Yet there are times when a
teacher is in fact, a bully.
Lack of safety is one of the top concerns of young people, and
bullying is a real and constant threat. A child's emotional
development is just as important, if not more so, than academic
development. In fact, a safe, healthy emotional environment is
essential to academic growth and success.
Humiliation, fear, anxiety and depression are the constant
companions of a child that is bullied. It can lead to harmful,
shocking and unexpected behavior from an otherwise shy or timid
child.
Victims feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as failures.
They are more prone to stress related illnesses such as
headaches and stomachaches. In extreme cases, the victim of a
bully can experience sever depression and entertain thoughts of
suicide.
What Do You Do When the Teacher is a Bully?
Stand up for your child. Don't diminish their concerns over a
teacher's attitude or behavior. You have the right to question
school authorities, and you owe it to your child to do so.