How Well Do You Know Your Child?
Do you think you really know your child? I don't mean know what
he/she likes and doesn't like, but to know him/her well enough
to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her
strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his
talents. Knowing your children can help increase their chance
for success in the future and improve your relationship.
As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve out
relationship with our children, discipline our children and
provide proper guidance. How many of us take the time to get to
really know our child? Some of us believe that our children are
extensions of us and don't have their own thoughts, dreams and
goals. When was the last time you sat down with your child to
find out what they are thinking? The answers may surprise you.
Children, especially during puberty, start to discover and
develop their identity. They go through an emotional and
psychological identity crisis and question and challenge their
parents. At this point, children start to crave support and
direction from their parents, but are not always compelled to
ask for it. But how can you help your child, if you do not know
their needs? Simple, ask them!
You are not a mind reader and your child probably will not
voluntarily share his/her personal information with you. When
you start to offer unsolicited advice, they feel that you are
being intrusive or nosy and get defensive. There are two simple
steps to getting to know your child. The first step is to listen
more and speak less. Let your child direct the conversation and
when they ask for your advice, offer it without being judgmental
or critical. Lecturing and berating your child for poor judgment
or unhealthy decisions will not help you to understand him/her
more because you will not be getting to the core reason for the
behavior. If you do not have the proper information, how can you
give your child the support that he/she needs? By listening, you
will be able to help your child understand how their choices and
decisions affect their lives and direct them to making healthier
and more responsible decisions. By being an active listener, you
learn to acknowledge what your child is feeling and give your
child the information and advice that he/she needs.
The second step is to ask the questions that will create
meaningful conversation. The typical responses to