Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other
Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their
children from the other parent? Such actions may only be
justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's
emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in
the absence of past domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse,
physical, sexual, or emotional child abuse, alienating children
from the other parent will never bring any good.
Other parents may subconsciously alienate children from the
other parent. But whether there is a deliberate move or not to
alienate children from the other parent, the same thing will
happen. Children will always suffer. Remember children generally
fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing
involvement of both parents and parental alienation must be put
to an end.
The good news is we can prevent the devastating effects of
parental alienation. The key is to begin recognizing the
symptoms of parental alienation. After reading the list below,
don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own
behaviors have been alienating. Instead, let the list help
sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to
your children.
1. Denying the existence of the other parent. This include
actions like denying other parent photo's within children's
room, avoiding conversations with other parent, ignoring the
other parent in public and refusing visitation.
2. Criticizing the other parent. This include actions like
speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the
children, speaking negatively about the other parent's family
and friends, and comparing your children to the other parent in
a negative way.
3. Placing your children in the middle. This include actions
like using them as a messenger, having them act as spies,
discussing adult issues in front of or with your children and
arguing in front of the children.
4. Setting up the other parent to fail. This include actions
like failing to inform the other parent of important events,
laughing at or making jokes about the other parent, encourage
children to disobey other parent and blaming the divorce on the
other parent.
5. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other
parent access to school or medical records and schedules of
extracurricular activities.
6. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship
or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually
argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their
children. This practice is destructive and painful for the
child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think
less of the other parent.
7. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent
causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not
want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue.
The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for
change of residence.
8. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order
to respond to the child's needs.
9. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their
child having a good time with the other parent will cause the
child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel
guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun
with their other parent.
10. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the
children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice
reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger,
thereby reinforcing alienation.
Now that you have read the above list, don't get discouraged
when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been
alienating. Just think and internalize that children generally
fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing
involvement of both parents. Therefore, parental alienation must
be put to end. Both parents have to work as co-parents.
If you are having difficulty parenting with your children's
other parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation by
getting a free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps To
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Likewise, you can learn
effective divorce parenting from my other ebook "101 Ways To
Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." For more
information, please visit my website.
With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered
divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy
and successful children even if you're divorce.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article
electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free
of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are
included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be
active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an
email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as
they do not distort or change the content of the article.