We all wish that our Children have Good Virtues, but... are we
setting a good example ourselves?
We all wish that our children should not smoke or drink, should
not speak lies, should not steal, should not have a violent
nature, etc... but are we setting a good example ourselves?
Just yesterday, I was at a friend's place and his daughter came
running up to us with her school calendar and asked her dad to
put a remark for being absent for school. They had been to a
close relative's wedding and my friend merely wrote "Stomach
Pain" and signed the calendar. Aren't you indirectly teaching
the child that it is OK to lie? I have seen so many parents
protecting the guilt of their children by lying, I wonder what
will happen to them when these children start lying to their
parents themselves!
Smoking is a very bad habit and you must refrain from smoking,
at least in front of children. When you smoke, your child
watches your actions with great concentration and then even
tries to imitate you. If you cannot leave the habit, go to the
terrace / verandah and smoke. If you don't have one, go for a
walk and take your nicotine break there. If you have a spare
room in your house, go there and remember to close / lock your
door. So what if your child knows that you smoke? Don't light up
in front of him. If you are smoking and your child comes to you,
extinguish your cigarette, even you have just started (even if
you're not a millionaire). Remember, passive smoking is just as
dangerous to your child's health. Don't keep cigarettes lying
around the house and always keep track of the number of
cigarettes you have (even if you're a millionaire). You don't
want your missing cigarettes found in your child's schoolbag, do
you? Remember one thing in your life - never ever ask your child
to buy cigarettes for you, if you run out of them. If you do, be
rest assured that your child will smoke, some day. You are
exposing him to all the varieties of cigarettes, the touch, feel
and smell of it, the cigarette vendor's marketing skills and the
other smokers. If your children ask you about your smoking
habit, don't lie. Tell them you do smoke and have accidently
caught the habit. Don't give a reason for smoking (like you are
stressed, etc) as some day you will get a similar reason from
him. Also tell him that you are trying to quit and genuinely
give it a try. Get an anti-smoking screensaver and install it on
your PC. You can get them free if you search on Google.com.
Wouldn't your children be happier if you lived a little longer?
The same goes for drinking. One important thing to remember -
never get drunk in front of your children. If you are not in
your senses, you could speak or do something that you shouldn't,
in front of your children. You can even cause physical or mental
harm. If you MUST get drunk, go to a bar or confine yourself to
a locked room. If your spouse is around, the better.
Don't use foul language in front of children. As I mentioned
earlier, children try to imitate you. If you come across a
reckless driver and let off steam be careful with your words.
Your child is listening. Never ever use foul language with your
spouse and don't abuse him / her, at least not in front of your
children. I know, we all have our problems and married life (or
any other life) isn't a bed of roses. But try to confine your
fights to your bedroom and control the decibel level unless you
have a totally soundproof room. I have heard 3 year old children
speaking the filthiest language, even if they probably don't
know what they're speaking!
Never ever let go a child who stole something. Now, I'm not
saying that if you found out that your child is stealing, jump
on him or give him a tight slap. Don't even humiliate him with
shame. But sternly explain him that this is not right and make
it crystal clear that it is not permitted. If he has stolen from
a store, go back with him and make him return the item. If it is
from school, make him return it to the teacher to avoid him from
public shame. Explain to the teacher that you will be keeping an
eye on him from repetition of the act. Follow your promise
religiously and keep a check on his possessions within his
schoolbag, his cupboard, etc. Is there something he possesses
that is not bought by you? If so, be firm in knowing from where
he got it from and insist on returning it. Don't accept lies too
easily, its as if you're condoning the theft. Also remember,
don't keep money lying around the house even if you have money
to burn. Make him understand the value of money. Maintain a
limit on pocket money and encourage him to save. It is also time
to think if the child needs more affection and attention at home
and a watch over his company. If all attempts fail, approach a
child psychiatrist.
Television, movies, games and comics also play a vital role in
the psychology of the child. If he watches a lot of brutality,
he may tend to act it out. Limit the time and type of programs
he watches. Encourage him to watch productive programs suitable
to his age. Although I don't watch television often, recently I
have been watching some serials and was quite surprised that
most of them were centered around scheming women with criminal
minds. A very important thing you should do is be with your
child when watching television. If there is a scene which you
shouldn't want your child to see, distract him by asking him
some question like "is your home work complete" and when he is
looking at you, change the channel. If he insists to watch it,
firmly tell him that it is not right for his age.