Smoke & Mirrors

A wise colleague of mine recently asserted, "Perception is reality". Truer words were never spoken. Thankfully. My wife, Nancy, thinks I'm pretty handy around the house. A scratch of the head and a thoughtful look go a long way toward making one seem ingenious. The only necessary tools: A few screwdrivers, a big hammer, duct tape, metal coat hangers. It started out innocently enough. I wanted to make a few wooden toys for our son, Michael. (I read somewhere that new fathers often acquire the desire to build things after we realize, at least unconsciously, that we can't create a baby). I'm ok with that. I've seen the things that I've "created". Let's just leave well enough alone. So, I donned a flannel shirt, bought some tools and a few patterns, traced the patterns on the wood, cut out the designs, sanded the mistakes out, threw on some brightly colored paints & viola, I am Norm! I could have my own TV show. I built a cabinet/hutch for my wife, took a picture of it, posted the picture to an internet newsgroup, and asked for comments from other fellow craftsmen. The general consensus was that the photo was too distant & out of focus to reveal anything about my lack of skill...but it DID resemble a hutch! That project taught me the benefits of moulding. Moulding can hide a multitude of sins. The time half of our electricity went out, I opened up a few outlets & switches, hooked up anything I could find that looked hi-tech & retreated to the crawl space to pray. I unintentionally tugged on a wire and...everything came back on. We recently bought a new gas grill...she thinks we bought this model because it's sturdier than the others, the truth is, I picked this one because the ad said "easy assembly...no tools required". The galvanized clothes dryer exhaust duct, bent slightly will never, ever, resume its intended shape. It is currently held in place by a criss-cross of cable ties that rivals Charlotte's Web. Fortunately the dryer is close to the wall and obstructs the view of the mess, she should never see it.