"Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To
Warrant Getting A Divorce?"
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're
trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending
on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a
marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you
don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a
"helicopter" viewpoint. To do that, you're going to need to try
to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly
is a difficult thing to do.
The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember
that you aren't alone, lots of couples have marriage problems
that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.
Here's a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may
not be experiencing:
Marriage problem #1: Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue
that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work
it out.
Marriage problem #2: Exploding during an argument, getting too
emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need
to learn to work together and you can't do that if one of you is
getting too heated.
Marriage problem #3: Being selfish - eventually this will catch
up to you. You should always think of your partner when you
think of yourself.
Marriage problem #4: Being dishonest - another serious issue. If
you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you're
marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.
Marriage problem #5: Teasing too much- generally the husband
does this but it could go either way. If there's a little bit of
truth to the teasing or there's a greater marriage problem that
incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery
together. Chances are that you'll have a lot more work to do to
correct this marriage problem.
Marriage problem #6: Not respecting your spouse - this marriage
problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are
experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure
out why the disrespect is present. If you aren't getting the
every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not
let this go on another day.
Marriage problem #7: Not being attentive to your spouse or not
listening to your spouse - men are usually guilty of this
marriage problem but is isn't exclusive to the weaker gender by
any means. Really listening doesn't mean obeying, it means
understanding what's important to your spouse and acting
accordingly.
Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a
"marriage problem", you have to decide what those are as they
pertain to your situation.
So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are
severe enough to warrant a divorce?
You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is
and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is
something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If
you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage
problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific
marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a
problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is
unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself
the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe
that you need to run right out and get a divorce.
You'll be a better person for it because you will have fixed
something within yourself.
However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is
caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself
first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the
behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you
are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel
is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits
or behavior that you've identified in your spouse are 'fixable'
in your mind...assuming of course, that your spouse will agree
that you are right.
Next, approach your spouse with the information that you've
reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage
problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive
discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work
through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage
problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage
counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem
logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, deep
self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide
whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.
Of course, no one can decide this but you.
Karl Augustine
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/marriage-problem.htm