PLAYING IT SAFE ONLINE
The Internet has become the hot new place for smart, eligible
people to find romance, and those looking for love are swarming
into cyberspace. As a result, many individuals have begun
relationships online with people they have not met and know
little about.
With so many people communicating via the Net and deciding to
date virtual strangers, it is important to be safe and be smart.
Common sense can go a long way to keep you safe. Here are some
guidelines for playing it safe:
Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by
first communicating solely by email or online chat. Be vigilant
in noticing odd behavior or inconsistencies. If someone is
evasive, this is a red flag. "Listen" to your correspondent's
words. The person at the other end may not be who or what he/she
says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable,
walk away for your own safety and protection.
Find out as much information as you can. Learn to ask many
questions. Find out where he grew up, where she works, and how
he is connected to his community. These are clues to finding out
who this person really is. Be suspicious, if someone is
unwilling to reveal any personal identifying information. Probe
any discrepancies in their stories. If your correspondent is
unwilling to answer your questions, this is another red flag.
Continue with a great deal of caution.
Honesty is the key to success. Talk on the telephone and
continue to learn more about your correspondent. A phone call
can reveal a lot about a person's communication and social
skills. It is worth the cost of the call to protect your
security. But do not give out your phone number to a stranger.
Trust takes time to develop. Only when you feel completely
comfortable should you furnish your phone number.
Don't rush into anything. Meeting someone online and then
arranging a date in a relatively short time can be dangerous.
Take time to find out who this person really is. If someone is
pressuring you to get together before you are ready, this is
another warning sign. If anything feels strange as you get to
know this person, then it is time to back away and look for
another match.
If you decide to meet for a date, proceed with caution. Arrange
the meeting on your terms. The following is a guide to ensure
that you have a safe encounter:
Before You Meet
Before you go out with someone new, it is important to get as
much information as you can about the person you will meet.
Always ask for a full name, address, and telephone number before
agreeing to go out with someone you have never met.
Never go out with someone who will only give you a pager or work
phone number. (There is a very good chance of a spouse in the
house.)
When someone gives his or her phone number, find a reason to
call unexpectedly. This may help you to find out if she is
married or he is living with someone.
Find out where the person works and if you can call him or her
at work
First Date Know-How
Be careful when agreeing to meet anyone in person. Set the
conditions for your date and do not let the other person change
them. Remember, you really do not know someone until you spend
time with them in person. Represent yourself accurately.
Exaggerating or deceiving is easy online. Areas to be
particularly cautious about are marital status and physical
appearance. Begin with a request for a picture and send them a
recent one of you. If someone is unwilling to send a recent
photo, this is warning sign. If he or she continuously comes up
with an excuse, it is because that person has something to hide.
Having a scanned photo is available at Kinko's for less than ten
dollars, so there is no valid excuse for not doing it. After you
have exchanged photos, continue to fill in the gaps, so that the
other person does not create you in their image. Keep it honest.
Always tell someone where you are going with your date and when
you will return. Leave your date's full name and telephone
numbers with that person and write it down. For a small fee, you
can leave information regarding where you are going and all the
pertinent details with a service called SmartDate at If your
date wants you to keep it secret, this is a very big red flag.
Protect yourself.
Always meet in a public place that you are familiar with on your
first date. Stay near other people in a lighted area. Getting
together for coffee is a pleasant, casual way to get to know
someone.
Never allow yourself to be picked up from your house. Giving
your address out to a stranger is not safe. Arrange your own
transportation so that you can leave if there is any sign of
trouble.
Pay attention to everything that this person has told you about
him or herself. If you find out that your date has lied about
anything, this is another red flag. Do not bring your date back
to your house after the first meeting. You do not know this
person. Use the same kind of common sense and rules that you
would use in any type of dating relationship.
Be smart and be safe. Take control of your future. Know what you
are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your
life. Information is the key.